Thursday, December 17, 2009

Och Nu, Jag är Mållös (And Now, I am Speechless)

Before this conversation happened, he told me to move on already. He said that I have a set of boys anyways who are willing to have a relationship with me . . . And it hurts that it came from his mouth. . .


I tried to text him after what I found out after I read his blog. I was really hurt.

And I still miss him. And I still love him.

He was explaining the things that he wrote on that blog. He told me he doesn't care if I will believe him. Honestly, I really don't care about the things that he wrote on that blog. He will be the same Nate that I've met months ago. The same person that I love.

The following conversation happened through text.

I asked him if we could still be friends after everything that happened between us. He told me that we can be friends. We said sorry to each other. I wished him good luck with his partner and I told him that I really wish him happiness with that person. I asked him if I could attend their wedding. He told me that he broke off with his partner. . .

I was surprised when he said that. Was he saying the truth? I really don't know. I just don't want to set my hopes up again.

I tried to be as casual as possible but my emotions for him gets the best of me. I said that I love him. And I miss him. Everyday. I asked him if there would be a chance for us, getting back together and continue what we started. He told me that he is not ready yet for a new relationship. He's busy with everything. I understood that. I believed him.

It still hurts. . . but Nate is now, somehow, talking to me.

well, not really

we only talked recently

through mobile phones

We saw each other at a Christmas party. We just saw each other. As in super saglit lang. Wala ngang "hi" or "hello" man lang eh. But at least, we were smiling at each other. He made my night complete.

Nili-link nya pa ako sa naging close friend ko (yung nasa "La Meme Histoire"). Sabi nya boylet ko yun at may gusto daw ako sa friend ko na yun. Dinaan ko na lang sa tawa ang sagot ko. He still doesn't get that it's hard for me to move on. Eventhough there are guys out there, like in our office, who's willing to go out with me, I wouldn't bother looking at them. If I will go out and date someone, I would feel like Im cheating on him. . . alam ko wala na kami or if kung naging kami nga, pero that it what I would feel. . .

He told me to tell him if I will have SUN na, aside from my Globe number. I told him yes. The same number that I never give to anyone else aside from him.

When I inserted that sim card into my phone, my mobile phone rang immediately. It was Nate calling. We talked for only a few minutes, but for me, it seemed like an eternity. I thanked him for what he was doing. And he thanked me too. We said sorry to each other. As of this moment, he can't face me pa rin daw. Well, for me, I'll just wait. . . like what I always do. . . and I know I'm good at it. Before we ended that conversation, I told him I love him and I miss him so much. And we hung up.

Now, he is gonna make his blog private. Maybe he doesn't want me to read them anymore. I don't really care what he writes in that blog. As long as he is happy, I'm happy.

I'll never love someone that much again. . .

Alam ko pinapaasa ko na lang sarili ko

dun ako masaya eh

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