Thursday, December 24, 2009

Jag Vet Inte (I do not know. . .)

My love life is getting more and more complicated as time passes by. I have already told you about Nate and Chuck, right? Well, you'll get to know more about Chuck and I this time.

First, let's talk about Chuck.

Chuck and I started being friends when Nate decided he doesn't want to be with me anymore. As we chat and talk and text more often as each day goes, we started to feel something for each other. I know at this point, I'm starting to fall in love again.

Now, this is the dilemma.

Chuck decided to go back to his previous boyfriend. Chuck left his boyfriend and after a few weeks, they're back together again. . .

I guess he still loves his boyfriend.

And days gets more complicated when I'm with him.

He told me that I'm a real temptation for him. Chuck told me that eventhough he and his boyfriend are now back together, he can't stop himself from thinking of me. He wants to go out with me. Talk with me. Have sex with me. Oh my God!

I told him that what we were doing is wrong and unfair to his boyfriend.

He agreed with me.

I told him we should stop seeing each other and cut off our communication.

He agreed with me.

Then we went back on talking with each other. Flirting and all.

We can't stop ourselves from missing each other. As of this moment, the only way that we can communicate with each other is through text. We can't go out, even in private, because if someone sees us together, it's gonna cause a HUGE SCANDAL in our office!

Why?

Si Chuck at ang kanyang boyfriend ay mataas ang position sa company na pinagta-trabahuhan ko. Maraming tao ang nakakakilala sa kanila.

At ako naman ay isang model na kilala na sa office na yun. Ang hirap nga eh. Hindi ako maka-porma sa mga nagugustuhan ko kasi maraming tao ang nakakakilala sa akin, eventhough they don't know my name. Alam kong madaming chismis ang nagre-revolve sa akin sa office namin. Pero di naman ako affected. I'll only be affected once nadadamay na yung mga taong I care for.

Going back. . .

We still text each other. See each other. Talk with each other. Want to spend more time with each other. All in done in secret.

He told me that the time will come that just talking with me wouldn't be enough for him. I asked him what does he mean. He starting to have sexual feelings towards me. I told him that I also want to do it with him. I told him he should tell me when he's free so that we can have our own private time.

Maybe the time will come na we'll be aware of what Chuck and I are doing. And when that time comes that we have to live without each other, I'll be sad and I'll miss him.

I know its wrong. I'm confused. Lagi na lang ako bad timing sa mga napupusuan ko. Ang hirap.

Gabayan nyo po ako, Ama.

Ayoko po makapanakit ng kahit sino. I'm just trying to be happy.

*************************

P.S.

I still love Nate :-(

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