Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Yow S!

Hey S!

Finally nagkatagpo din ang ating mga landas. LOL. After how many months din sa wakas ay nagkita din tayo. Hahaha.

"S" is a good friend of mine na una kong nakilala sa isang social networking site months ago pa. I think 6 or more months ago pa. And after all the planning and the date setting, we finally met each other sa Shangrila. (I dunno what Shang. Its my first time commuting by MRT alone eh so muntik na naman ako maligaw. Hehehe)

We bonded over text messages and chatting over the course of those months and we started to get to know more about each other.

Actually, sa mga buwan na iyon, we're giving each other support or advice when it comes to our complicated ( and weird ) love life. Hahaha. Madalas ang emo time namin when we talk with each other.

Going back, I was able to meet him na sa wakas (lagi na lang kasi may excuse kami sa isa't isa kaya hindi kami matuloy tuloy dati. Hehehe)

It was nice meeting friends din who kinda knows what you're going through. Someone you can relate too. Im fortunate I was able to meet this guy.

This goes to you S...

Divert your thoughts muna. Things will be easier soon. I assure you that. Maybe he just needs time to heal himself. You're still young and there will be a lot of things ahead of you. Be positive. At huwag mo akong gagayahin. Hehehe. It was really nice of you to give me advice. I feel like your big gay brother na nga eh. LOL. Text text lang ah! See you again soon. Maybe next time I'll get to bring K and Luch. Or maybe even Pojke. Hehehe.

Let's practice our French more often. My French is getting kinda rusty. Hahaha

Friday, December 24, 2010

Jag älskar mat! (I love food!)

And not just because its the holiday season! I eat a lot...as in A LOT. Ewan ko ba pero baka sa previous life ako, isa akong kargador sa pier or isang construction worker.

I know its kinda weird pero I was soooooo fat before I even had pictures of food in my phone...seriously.

I think was waistline was 40 inches. Yeah. I think it is. I saw my prom slacks just this week. Gives me chills down my spine. Bbbrrrr....

I dunno how I lost the weight. Maybe I just grew taller? Maybe I passed puberty na? I didn't exercise that much and I didn't even bother taking diet pills before but the weight didn't go back na...Was it just baby fat? I think so.

The photo above is was taken a few months back. I really dont have anything much to do so I decided to just eat. I was alone then so I didn't even bother making pa-cute kapag nakain. So I ordered what I feel like ordering. At ayan ang kinalabasan. Meal na pang 3 tao. Ayan ang "before picture" pala.

At itong nasa kanan naman ay ang "after picture". Parang dinaanan lang ng bagyo. Sigh.

Maybe I have super human metabolism na din kaya no matter what I eat, hindi na ako nag-ge-gain ng weight. Maintained na lang.

But for the past few months, I have decided to take care of my health more seriously. Recently, I have made two trips to the hospital...in the same month. Tsk tsk. I was kinda worried na din eh but the doctors said na wala naman daw akong sakit. (Nag-iinarte lang?!?! Hahaha)

So this time, I'm gonna work out and hit the gym more frequently. We have equipment sa house namin but I just use it whenever I feel like using it. Sigh. Minsan lang pala talaga maging bata. I should take the opportunity na while I'm young, work out. Magiging plus points din yun sa pagiging isang model. (Pinipilit ako ni Luch na mag-work out. He can't wait to see me in one of those runway shows. I wish I could pero insecure pa din ako sa katawan ko.) (Hindi naman kasi "katawan" talaga ang pinapakita sa commercials and print ah! hehehe)

By the way, since I'm talking about food, nagugutom ako. Pero mamaya na ako kakain. I just wanna share these pictures to you guys.

Since I'm not good at cooking "real food" (pero magaling ako when it comes to desserts!), laging instant ang niluluto ko. Pancit canton. Instant mami. Instant fried rice. Sigh. And whenever I stay at Luch's condo and ako ang in charge sa food, I always order/pa-deliver/bring KFC, Jollibee, Mcdo, Chowking, Yellow Cab, "Panta" (as in "pantawid gutom" - kapag short na sa budget..hehehehe) etc...

Hindi na daw healthy ang kinakain namin. Alam ko naman yun eh. Pero masarap kasi. Hehehe.

But you know what, kung ako hindi ko sya maipagluto, si Luch, kaya nya akong gawan ng food. At hindi lang basta food. Masarap pa. I really appreciated all of his efforts when we have dinner together at his condo. He cooks real food for me while I just buy junk food. LOL.

Eto ang ilan sa mga nailuto nya na sa akin...And I have the habit of taking pictures of the food he cooks for us.

Isang kare...isang menu...isang dinugu...isang siniga....heheheh..joke lang. Isang masarap na adobo ala Luch! (Muntik nya na akong sabuyan ng toyo ng sinabi kong "wow! Ang sarap ng chicken curry!)

Eto naman ang isa sa kanyang mga creations. Tuna with chunky tomatos in wheat pasta. Syempre kelangan talaga may itlog. Ito ang isa sa mga favorite ko.

Ito ang pinaka-best! (Pinaka na, best pa!) Grilled chicken sandwich with romaine and iceberg lettuce in wheat bread! OHA! Healthy na healthy! Parang gusto ko nga magpagawa nyan ngayon eh.

I think for some of the people out there, the food tastes best when it was prepared by someone who cares and loves you. The scent and flavour mixes well with the sweet conversation that you have with them while eating. And the fact that you know that it was someone you love who exerted effort to cook something for you makes the food even more special...Tama nga ang kasabihan. "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Thursday, December 23, 2010

God Jul alla!

Happy Holidays :D

Den tjugoandra december, två tusen och tio

I had fun last night! Luch and I went out on a date eh...

Oh, by the way, this entry will just be short :D

These are the highlights of that evening...

1. Late na naman ako...as usual...wala talagang masakyan na taxi kahapon...and I was in MAKATI

2. Halos makipag-away pa ako sa konduktor sa bus. Bad trip! Wala lang panukli, tinarayan na ako! (Padabog akong bumaba ng bus!)

3. Nakasakay din ng taxi! (Medyo bulok pero okay na din...choosy pa ba ako? Late na naman ako eh.)

4. Late ako ng 21 minutes sa date namin. Hehehe. Love you, Luch! Thanks for understanding. (Kung nabasa nya ito, sure akong mapapabuntong hininga na lang sya. Hehehe)

5. We ate at one of my favorite restaurants at Greenbelt 5! (Bochog na naman ako syempre dahil sa dami na kinain ko.)

6. We watched a movie at Greenbelt 3. (Ang cool ng special effects. The experience could have been better if we watched it in 3D but its too late na eh.)

7. We shopped for a Christmas gift for his monito-monita thingy. (Ang weird ng pinabibili sa kanya eh.)

8. I was like a kid again when we entered Toys R Us. I was all over the place. When I was about to show Luch that I found a great toy, I caught him just standing at the other side of the store. I didnt know what happened. Its as if I when I looked at him, it was like the first time. (Parang kanta lang ni Taylor Swift ah.) (And this is the best part pala of the whole evening...I dunno why pero lalo akong na-in love sa kanya.)

9. We walked back to his condo. Nakapang-office attire kami parehas and my feet hurt because of my leather shoes, but who cares...Im walking right next to a man I love.

10. He was calling me "bebeboy" eventhough we're in public. Hahaha. ("Haaay, nako bebeboy, blah blah blah. heheheheheh). Ang sweet nya...sigh...

Anyway, thanks for the night Luch. Ulitin natin ha!

Beau slår tillbaka

For the people who has been reading my blog for the past few months, I guess you already know who Beau is. For those who doesnt, then you can read them...Mahirap mag-explain at magkwento eh... baka mapa-English pa ako so wag na lang...

Anyway, since balik na ako sa aking dating department, balik na naman ako sa aking mga original partners sa office, pati na din sa aking team...well, that includes Beau :D

He has been consistently asking me about my love life and since hindi ako out sa kanya, hindi ko sinasagot ang kanyang mga tanong...I learned that he was asking a close officemate about my love life nga eh. Parang adik lang.

He asked me to go out for lunch nga one time and since it's not gonna be just the two of us (3 kami...Beau, a girl officemate who knows that I'm gay and me). After lunch, we went to Timezone to play around a bit...

After work, I decided to go home na din...I'm tired and I still have to do some other stuff. That's when Beau told me something. Mahal nya na daw ako. Dati pa. JOKE LANG! Hahahaha!

Sabi nya, sabay na daw kami since parehas kaming taga-south. We took the bus and sat right next to each other. He was complaining that it's now gonna be a problem for him na pumunta ng Makati since he's not renting anymore sa city. He has to leave his house two or three hours ahead of time para he can make it on time sa work...

Naawa naman ako kay Beau..syempre, naging crush ko din naman sya in one point. Hahaha.

We were talking about our job, studies, love life (seriously...nagulat nga din ako eh), now that we're gonna resign from our company...blah blah blah... so on and so forth...

The ride back home was tiring and long. I didnt notice that I fell asleep na pala. Nagulat na lang ako nang pagkadilat ng mata ko, nakasandal na sya sa balikat ko. I remembered the times that I was really trying to figure him out.

I can say that I'm over him. Ang tagal nya eh. May nauna na tuloy. Hahaha. But we're still good friends though :P

Goodluck sa bago mong work ah!

(He plans on being a med rep....gagamitin nya na lang daw ang charms nya para kumita..LOL)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Andra Månaden...

Time flies so fast when you're really having fun...or when you're just in love.

Luch, just so you know, it's our second month together. I know you just think of monthsaries as regular days but for me, it's a bit special. To make this entry a bit special, I'll try my best na hindi ka barahin sa post na ito. Promise. Wala kang kalaban laban eh. Binabasa mo lang kasi. (Mag-comment ka naman or mag-leave ng message sa cbox!)

Going back, I'll try my best not to make this entry cheesy, mushy or chummy.

For the past two months, I've learned things about you and things about myself too. I want to thank you first for sharing things about yourself. Thanks for introducing me to the people you consider special. Thanks for bringing me to your home in Bulacan. Thanks for letting me sleep over sa condo mo. Thanks for letting me use your towel when I finish taking a bath (thanks talaga kasi kung ako yun, hindi kita pahihiramin talaga..hehehe)

Thank you for helping me be more mature, with decisions and how I should act. Thanks for being so understanding kahit na most of the time, I know that you feel you're still talking with a teenager (kasi naman 21 lang ako...)

Salamat din kasi okay lang sayo (alam ko hindi okay sayo talaga kasi conscious ka sa body mo) ang kumain tayo ng madami. Kasalanan ko ba kung malakas talaga ako kumain? Mabilis naman ang metabolism ko eh. Hehehe.

Thanks for pushing me to become better. Thanks for letting me create a real plan for myself. For my own future. Alam ko stage boyfriend ka. Hehehe.

For the next days, weeks, months (or maybe even years) that we're gonna be together, I'll make sure that Im gonna be the best boyfriend ever. Because I know that you love me.

I know that most people will not understand our situation. I accepted the fact that people will always have a variety of opinions. I chose this because I've found love. Because I've found someone like you.
All of us have dreams. Wishes that we constantly hope that it'll come true.

Gusto ko maging isang matagumpay na modelo or artista (HAHAHAHAHA). Ang maging isang Power Ranger. Isang magaling na polyglot. Makapunta sa iba ibang bansa. O makatagpo ng isang tao na gusto kong hanapin agad sa bawat paggising ko sa umaga.
Sa ating ikalawang buwan na magkasama, masasabi kong natupad na ang isa sa aking mga pangarap. Ang maging isang Power Ranger.

Luch/Bebeboy, mahal na mahal na mahal kita. Happy 2nd monthsary...

(ano ito? gagawin ko ba ito every month? sigh)

(Luch! Regalo ko! Pasko na! Hehehe...Jag älskar dig så mycket!)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Ett år Gamla

I never really thought that this blog would even reach a year...For those who didn't know, I started this blog to vent all of my feelings and emotions last year, 2009.

I was, and still am, not out so I don't have anyone to talk to about my sexuality...and of course about my love life.

This blog was dedicated to this great person whom I had the pleasure of meeting last year...And it was the first time I felt myself give in to someone like that. Nate was his name. And I loved this guy very much. He taught me new things about myself.

Some of you don't know that I've done silly things just to get over this guy. And there was also a point, I think, that I was begging...Those days are long gone. I know that he's a very special person. And up to this point, I still consider him a friend, though bihira na lang kami magkita.

But still, "kahit hindi man naging kami sa huli, siya pa din ang first love ko..."

I kept this blog eventhough I was over him na. I learned that this blog should not be about other people. This blog should tell stuff about who the writer is. And I think I've done that naman, kahit na hindi maayos minsan...(OK! Fine! Madalas!)

Minsan, natatawa na lang ako kapag binabasa ko ang mga past entries ko. Ang daming errors...Ang daming jokes na corny...Ang daming times na kinikilig pa din ako...Madaming chummy na lines...Madaming nakaka-depress na thoughts...May mga times din na minsan, feeling ko isa akong makata...hindi naman...

I think by reading my blog, I actually see myself grow as a person. I get to see how I mature. How my thoughts and ideas change over time.

The good thing about blogging is that I get to "meet" (by reading their blogs) wonderful people. People who are somehow going through the same thing as I am. I can tell stories to people and it really feels good to know that somehow, someone reads and appreciates what I write here...

I started writing here, feeling quite depressed and sad. Now, I am somehow celebrating my blog's first year, happy and in love. I still am looking forward for the next stories that I'll write here.

This blog is a part of me na din. My very own space in the internet. My online journal.

Happy 1st birthday, aking munting blog...

The Model in that Blog

Pokalen Pojkvän (Trophy Boyfriend)

Iibahin ko ng kaunti ang definition nya ah. Im gonna define a "trophy boyfriend" as a handsome, young man (young dapat), that is successful in his chosen career (or at least has a stable job), who earns for himself and  is well educated. He is someone who takes care of himself too. He goes to the gym and wears something good. He is also someone that you can present to your family and friends. Someone that you can fool around with. Someone who can be your bestfriend. And most of all, someone who loves their partner very much. In short, yung tipong nasa "Stepford Wives", minus the weird stuff.

Pati ako na-weirdohan sa naisip ko. Maybe, just maybe, a lot of people would like to be the perfect boyfriend for their partner, girlfriend, boyfriend...

But the thing is that nobody can be the perfect person for you. You can only find "perfect beings" in dreams, magazine pages, novels, TV shows and movies. You would have to escape reality and live with someone that cant exist.

If you're gonna ask me if I wanted to be a trophy boyfriend, it would be a yes and a no.
Yes kasi I can be the ultimate boyfriend! HAHAHA! Yung lahat ng guys or girls magkakandarapang mapasakanila ka pero hindi pwede kasi loyal ka sa isa lang. I think it feels good to say "Sorry guys. I'm taken". You'll get to be someone that they can only wish to have. Like a very expensive jewelry. You can only look at it but never have it. (HAHAHAHA! Natatawa ako sa mga sinasabi kong kalokohan!)

And no kasi mawawalan na ng thrill. Ng spice ang isang relationship. Wala ka nang flaws for your partner to accept or to love. A relationship wont be colorful. Just imagine kung ano na lang ang ikekwento mo sa mga apo mo, right? Sasabihin na lang ng mga anak or apo mo na "ang boring naman ng lovelife mo, Lolo" or "bakla si Lolo?!?!"

Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko ito sinusulat. Dahil siguro wala akong magawa? Ahhhh...honga...bored na talaga ako...sigh....

Friday, December 10, 2010

Para sa lahat ng mga kabit dyan...tulad ko....GULP!

For some odd reason, I cant seem to find the video nung "Kerida de Amor" sa youtube..


I think some of you guys might have seen that video...

Ayun yung video na nahuli nung wife ang kanyang husband na kasama ang kanyang kabit sa Market Market...Tapos biglang naging mabangis na asong buntis yung wife at nilapa ang kabit? Adik talaga ang wife na yun! Ang lakas ng grip! Halos matanggal ang buhok ng kabit...(which I think is pretty compared to the wife). Siguro tumutira ng steroids yun eh...

Anyway, I just noticed na the guy still followed the kabit at the end of the video...maybe nahiya lang sya sa wife nya? I dunno...

Naawa ako dun sa wife kasi she was cheated on...and dahil na din sa kahihiyan....At naawa din ako sa kabit kasi halos matanggal na ang kanyang anit...pati na din sa kahihiyan....At naawa ako dun sa guy...kasi tanga...hindi marunong magtago...hahahahhahaha

Seriously, when I watched that video, I imagined myself in it. Paano kaya kung mangyari sa amin yun ni Luch? What if all of a sudden, bigla naming makasalubong si Joe sa isang mall tapos bigla nya na lang akong pagmumurahin at bugbugin....

GULP!!! Ayoko mangyari yun...Aawayin ko din si Joe...Hindi dahil may karapatan akong awayin sya (ako na nga ang nakikabit eh) kundi dahil ayoko masaktan! (Paano na ako magiging artista kung puro kamot at stitches ang mukha ko diba?)

I asked Luch kung ganun si Joe. Wala daw sa character ni Joe na maging ganun.

Pero you'll never know diba? Hahaha

Kelangan talaga mag-ingat...

Ayoko masaktan. Ayokong masaktan si Joe (alam ko...nasaktan ko na sya...hindi nya lang alam). At higit sa lahat, ayokong masaktan si Luch. Ayokong dumating ang point na he will have to choose between the two of us. Or has he chosen already? I dunno. And I dont want to know.

Den Första (the first)

Our first official fight as a couple just happened a few hours ago. Weird ko noh? Pati mga fights namin recorded sa blog na ito...Hehehe...Anyways, it was kinda petty now that Luch and I are good with each other again...
Oh, by the way, I'm typing this sa office...I have soooo much time to kill so I decided on typing na lang din...and spilling my thoughts...spilling kasi lagi naman sabog ang utak ko eh...
Going back...

Nagkukulitan at naghaharutan (ano English ng "naghaharutan"?) kami ni Luch sa bed nya. Niloloko ko sya kasi we were watching America's Next Top Model. Then he was commenting on the girls/models. Tapos he was saying kung sino daw ang mananalo. And he's asking me to look at the pictures. Ininis ko sya...

"Luch! Bakla ka talaga! Fan ka ng America's Next Top Model noh?"

"Hinde! Kasi nakita ko lang sa Facebook yan...Ikaw talaga!"

"Weh? Feeling ko every week mo pinapanood yan eh! Kilala mo nga yung mga girls eh."

"I just like looking at their pictures, bebeboy."

"Wushu! Bakla ka talaga! Eh bakit may DVD ka ng Project Runway?"

"Hahahaha! HINDI AKIN YAN! HAHAHAHA! Sa friend ko yan!"

"Bakit nandito!?! Ikaw ah!"

"Dont worry. Makikilala mo din yun. Hahaha!"

And so we were able to finish the whole show and then it was time to call it a night and sleep. At dahil makulit at isip bata pa din ako, hindi ko sya pinapatulog. At dahil sinasakyan ako ni Luch sa aking pagiging teeny bopper ko (I dunno what the hell it means but it sounds cute so I'm gonna use it anyways), nakipagkulitan din sya.

I have this fear of ghost eh (sino ba ang wala, diba?). Kahit na niloloko lang ako, kinikilabutan talaga ako. Ang problem kasi, I overthink at kapag nangyari yun, mapapaginipan ko and I wont be able to sleep again. Tsk tsk. Ang gustong pang-asar ni Luch sa akin ay yung kaharap ko sya tapos bigla na lang magkukunwari na may nakikita sya sa may likuran ko. I hate it. Feeling ko talaga kasi meron eh. At syempre, dadaganan ko sya at pilit na yayakapin. Naaasar talaga ako kapag ginagawa nya yun. Madalim kaya sa condo nya kapag gabi at patay na ang mga ilaw!
So napagod din kami sa kulitan....

COMMERCIAL: Binigyan ako ng Christmas card ng officemate ko ngayon ngayon lang. Ang sweet. I prefer simple things than magagarbong regalo. I love messages because they last longer than tangible gifts. Napaka-sentimental ko. Hahaha. So alam nyo na ang ire-regalo sa akin ha! (example; isang thoughtful message, pero dapat naka-engrave sa isang iPhone 4 or isang short poem na ikaw ang gumawa na nakasulat sa gold plates)

going back...

So napagod din kami sa kulitan and it's time to go to sleep na. I realized that it was a Thursday night na pala and we wont see each other again. Sa Monday na ulit kasi his other boyfriend, Joe, will be here. I joked him na buti na lang, may gagawin ako this weekend.

"Bebeboy, buti na lang may gagawin ako this weekend."

"Ah ganun ba?"

"Yeah, buti na lang may booking ako."

"Ah talaga? Ako din eh. May ime-meet din ako sa The Fort."

"Weh. Kasi sa akin bebeboy, totoo talaga. Yung taga-4th floor, remember?"

"Ah siya ba? Kasi ako si _ _ _ _ eh (I hate this guy for some reason...pina-blatter ko na nga sa mga pulis eh)."

"Whatever. I know you won't. I have eyes bebeboy. I'll know what you're gonna do."

"Kaya nga I wont go to the gym tomorrow eh. I'm gonna meet _ _ _ _."

Dito na nagpantig ang tenga ko. It really pissed me off. Alam ko na nga ang itsura at name ng mokong na yun eh. Nako! Wag syang magawi sa daan ko kundi bilang na ang araw nya. Badtrip.

The whole night, I didn't even bother talking to Luch. I was mad at the thought of him meeting up with other guys. He said that he was just kidding and that I shouldn't take that seriously. But its too late. Na-badtrip na talaga ako.

Kahit na niyayakap nya ako. Kahit na niloloko nya ako na may multo sa likod ko. Kahit na hinahalikan nya ako. Astang bato lang ako.

"Bebeboy! Last night na natin ito magkasama this week! Hindi mo pa ba ako yayakapin?"
Wala. Walang epekto. Masyado ako nabwisit sa kanya.

"Sinakyan ko lang ang joke mo. Nanguna ka tapos mapipikon ka? Bahala ka."

Natulog kami. Nakatalikod kami sa isat isa. Hindi ako makatulog. Mainit pa din ulo ko. Hinimas nya ang likod ko. Hindi pa din ako kumibo.

Its 3am na. Hindi pa din ako makatulog. I tried going around the condo. Looking for something to do. I checked the door locks. Just to see if they were locked or not. (Hindi ko kasi matandaan na na-lock ko eh.)

Akala yata ni Luch, aalis ako ng condo. Bigla syang bumangon. Nagulat ako. Akala ko kung napaano sya.

"Uy! Bakit? Matulog ka na. Maaga ka pa bukas." I said it without any hint of being sweet or anything.
An hour passed. He was already sleeping. I gave in. I can't stay mad at him anymore. I hugged him until I fell asleep.

In the morning, he didnt even kiss me. He didnt even talk to me. Parang wala syang nakikita.

"Im sorry."

He did his usual morning routine. He's still ignoring me. I was sad. I screwed up a night that was supposed to be wonderful and lovely.

"Luch. Kausapin mo naman ako."

He's still not talking to me."

Ewan ko ba. Whenever I feel hopeless and depressed, I curl like a baby and try not to cry, which Im bad at. Imagine. Im a big/tall guy. Curled up in a ball. Trying not to cry but then there are tear tracks already in my cheecks. I felt so alone.

He gave in. He kissed me. His sweet kiss. We apologized to one another. He does know how to make a kid feel good. Eventhough he's 10 years older than me, he tries to understand my immaturity. I feel that he loves me eventhough Im an effin retard. Sigh. Ako na! Ako na ang maganda!

We hugged each other tightly. Tears were still falling down sa cheecks ko.

"Bebeboy, yuck naman. Basa na ang shoulder ko. Alam mo ba na aside sa pawis at sperm, ayoko din ng luha ng iba sa katawan ko!"

"Alam ko pero wala akong pakialam! Mahal kita Luch."

"Mahal din naman kita Gaspard."

He went to work na. I know I love this guy. And I know he loves me too.

"Uy! First time natin nag-away ah! Ilalagay ko ito sa blog ko ah!"


I know what we're doing is wrong no matter how you look at it. Ganito talaga. Kapag mahal mo na ang tao, wala nang pero pero.


Just recently, my college friends and I met and they noticed something different about me. They told me that when I smile, there are sparks. That I look better than before. That I'm in love. They can sense it.


He went to work. I stayed a bit sa condo nya for an hour and a half more. Humiga ako sa kama nya (namin). Nandoon pa din ang amoy nya. Inisip ko, oo nga. Nasayang lang yung gabi dahil sa kaartehan ko.

Nakangiti akong bumalik sa bahay (dahil hinahanap na ako ng aking mga magulang!) Hindi na daw ako nauwi! Hahaha!

Inisip ko na lang. Pampalubag loob, kumbaga. Sa lunes, kasama ko na naman ulit sya eh. Babawi ako sa aking bebeboy.

Kung binabasa mo ito Luch, patay ka sa akin! Takutin mo pa akong may multo sa likod ko, malilintikan ka na talaga....

One last thing.

Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita...See you on Monday bebeboy ko...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Till Joe (To Joe)

It's Joe's birthday this weekend...that means I wouldn't get to see my Luch again...just like every weekend...sigh...oh well...Im kinda getting used to it anyways....

not being able to see him on weekends...uhmm...what else....I guess that's the only thing we dont get to do often... hahhaah...

Joe! Happy 31st birthday!

you know what, eventhough I love your boyfriend and we're together now....and we get to do stuff behind your back....I still wish you all the best. I hope that you will be more successful in your chosen career. I hope that you will be happier for the years to come. I know that Luch still loves you very much. Love him just like the way he loves you. (I know I sound weird.) I was nice meeting you by the way. I remember you telling me that it would be nice to hang out again. Yeah it is. You're a nice guy, Joe. I know why Luch loves you too.

I guess I'll just see you soon then, if ever it will happen again :D

One last thing....

I hope you're not reading this....heheheh

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pas San Toi

This song is for you...

Actually, you're the one who shared this to me, right?

You tried to listen to this eventhough you dont understand a bit of French and I have to translate it... Hahhahaha

But still, I love you...

Luch, I love you :D

Sèche tes pleurs
Refais-moi ce sourire
Celui qui ne fait pas vieillir
Ni mon âme ni mon corps
Je t’aime encore...si fort....

Sunday, November 28, 2010

den verkliga Luch (The Real Luch)

As many of you know, Luch and I have been together for quite some time now and I've blogged about him several times already.

This time, I'm here to blog about the real Luch.

As you can see, Luch is just a codename I gave to my boyfriend so I can write things about him here.

I chose Luch because he looks a lot like my collegemate/coursemate in school....when I was still in college.

Not to mention they're both hot... (I'm drooling now. LOL)

Hanggang ngayon ay isa pa din sya sa mga ultimate crush ko...hehehe. Hindi na yata ako makaka-get over sa kanya eh. Hahaha!

Eto ang ilan sa mga pictures nya online. By the way, he has been modeling for some time na din. Isa sya sa mga Cosmo Bachelors. Sya din yung may commercial sa Fita and ang latest sa kanya ay part na sya ng Hunts! ( yeah, yung pork and bean!) Ang yummy talaga! (ng pork and beans?!?!?) hahahahha!

Yung commercial nya :D

*** I got an email from the ULTIMATE CRUSH to remove the picture. His wish is my command. Anything for my Luch. Hihihi. And yes kinikilig pa din ako sa email nya. Hahaha. (Ang loser ko hahaha) ***

Nung nasa Cosmo sya...

*** I got an email from the ULTIMATE CRUSH to remove the video. His wish is my command. Anything for my Luch. Hihihi. And yes kinikilig pa din ako sa email nya. Hahaha. (Ang loser ko hahaha) ***

and this one :D

*** I got an email from the ULTIMATE CRUSH to remove the picture. His wish is my command. Anything for my Luch. Hihihi. And yes kinikilig pa din ako sa email nya. Hahaha. (Ang loser ko hahaha) ***

and I love the way he smiles :D

*** I got an email from the ULTIMATE CRUSH to remove the picture. His wish is my command. Anything for my Luch. Hihihi. And yes kinikilig pa din ako sa email nya. Hahaha. (Ang loser ko hahaha) ***

yeah...ultimate crush ko si Luch...he could probably be my dream guy... but you know what? I wouldn't trade my Luch for anyone.

Luch Zanirato/Lopez will just be one of the guys in my dreams....

But I would rather stay with the Luch that I have because he is real, I could touch him. I could hug him and spend the nights with him. I could kiss him. I could stare at my Luch for hours without getting tired. I could watch Spongebob with him and do silly stuff. I can still be a kid but he also teaches me how to become a man. My Luch made me fall in love. And I know that he loves me too. And that is the best part.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Harry Potter och Dödsrelikerna

Luch and I went out on a date the other night and we watched the new Harry Potter film at Greenbelt 3. The film's good. I already know what to expect since I have read the 7th Harry Potter book for like 3 times already. Hahaha. But I think the 1st part of the 7th Harry Potter film was able to give the audience the same feel and excitement as the book. Well, anyways, I have no plans of reviewing books or films...

I'm here to talk about that evening...

Just like any other date, we ate first. (parang ang pangit ng intro ko ah). I was in the mood for KFC so we went there. We were in Greenbelt anyways so we decided to eat at the KFC there.

While we were eating, I told him that this KFC for me is special... I know I sound weird right now but I dont care.

That KFC branch was the same branch where Nate and I used to go. Why? Its far from work. Far from people who knows us. I told this to Luch.

Luch already kinda sensed why I feel that that place was special so he wasnt really surprised with what I told him.

Yeah. I still remember what it was like eating there with Nate. I remember the details. But the feeling's no longer there.

At last, Im happy eating in my special KFC with a guy I know who's also in love with me.

I still wasn't able to eat a lot because I was sick for a couple of days. I didn't have the appetite to eat tons of food eventhough KFC's heart attack on a bun tastes amazing. Well....for me.....

After dinner, we get to take out 2 pizza rolls or whatever you call them. Hahaha.

To tell you the truth, I kept on telling Luch how excited I was to watch that film. I was like a little schoolgirl with pigtails. Only almost 6 feet tall. Hahahaha...

The film started. The light were low. I didn't really expect Luch to do that but he did anyways. He held my hand. He rubbed and massaged it. He really is sweet. Our hands were intertwined. I know there were tons of people there but whenever I'm with Luch, I didn't care even some people would stare. Whenever Im with him, it feels like we're the only two people alive here on earth.

Sigh. The power of love. Mapapa-english ka talaga. Hehehehe.

When the film was over, we went home na din agad. It's just Thursday and we both have work the next day.

So why did we watch it on  Thursday night? Kasi mas konti ang tao. Hindi masyado hassle. And we cant do it on a weekend kasi it's Luch time with Joe, his other boyfriend.

I know what I signed up for. And I also know its consequences. When I'm jealous, I just suck it up and be a man. Pinasok ko ang ganitong set up eh.

I almost forgot....I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday night...I had a bad dream...

which is really weird talaga...kasi I almost never remember my dreams. But this one is vivid and almost life like...

Luch was about to go to New Jersey. Why New Jersey? I dunno either. At eto pa. Sasakay daw sya ng train from Makati to New Jersey. Hehehe. Tapos sabi nya sa akin na hindi na daw kami magkikita...tapos bigla na lang sya nawala. Then I was chasing his train, just like in the movies, but I wasnt able to catch him at all....then Luch woke me up...

Luch was like "Huy! Huy! Gising! Gaspard!"

When I woke up and became conscious of what's happening, I realized that I was crying. That real tears were pouring down my cheeks. When I realized that he's still there, I hugged him and made him promise that he wont leave me and go to New Jersey.

Hiyang hiya talaga ako at nangyari yun. Buong umaga ako inaasar ni Luch. Bad trip. Ginagaya nya pa ako kung paano ako umiyak. Hehehe

I love my Luch sooooo much....he will always be mine

I know Im selfish. Ganun talaga eh.

Thanks sa treat ah bebeboy ko! I love you sooooo much!

Thanks nga din pala kasi ipinagluto mo ako ng masarap mong adobo.

I really love spending nice evenings and pigging out with you sa condo mo.

Condo? Oh yeah...my new "home" pala...

det förflutna (the past)

It was kinda really weird for me seeing Chuck again. For those who has been reading my blog for quite some time now, you might have read someone named Chuck.

For those who doesn't know him, Chuck is a former fling, at isa din sa mga guys na attached na pero gusto pa din maging unfaithful with me. Alam ko. Lagi na lang ako lapitin ng mga may sabit at attached na.

If you want to read our story, just click here and this one too. And there's another one that you can read....most of the Chuck parts of my blog were posted last december and january.

Anyways, nagkita na nga kami ulit.

Kunwari wala lang nangyari sa amin... hahaha

natatawa na nga lang ako ksi parehas kaming patay malisya sa isat isa...cool

ang galing ng acting naming dalawa...

when a common friend introduced us with on another..

"Oh by the way Gaspard, this is Chuck. Chuck, meet Gaspard."

We were like AWKWARD!!! Nagkatinginan lang kami sa mata tapos ngiti na may ibig sabihin. Parang joke na kami lang ang nagkakaintindihan. Hehehe.

Ayun lang... buti na lang maigsi lang ito..heheh

By the way, hello Nate? Musta na? :D

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

en månad :D

It has been one month na din pala...Ang bilis talaga ng panahon...

Dati, "bagets" ang tawag mo sakin...

Ngayon, "bebeboy" na....

Ano naman kaya sa mga susunod na buwan o taon?

Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita Luch

Ewan ko ba kung ano ang pinainom mo sa aking gayuma. Buwisit ka. Hehehe.

Love you, bebeboy ko!

blödning kärlek...

Click on play first before actually reading this entry...Para mas may impact. At para mas jologs na din. LOL.

You might be disturbed sa mga masasabi ko. Humihingi na ako sa inyo ng sorry. Hehehe

!@#$%^&*&^%$#! talaga!

At first I was really kinda hesitant to post this kasi I think this is waaaaay too private and well...medyo nakakadiri...

This is what happened...

I was constipated and my butthole ached for like two days na. I dunno what happened. Maybe I ate something or what. Anyways, since the weekend's done, I get to see Luch again.

And since we didnt get to see each other for quite some time, and we haven't had sex yet in that week, we did it. We really missed each other sooo much we were kinda rough on each other.

For those who has been reading some of the entries here in my blog, I think I mentioned that I bottom for Luch. And I have no plans whatsoever for doing it for another guy kasi hindi ko talaga trip yun.

On that evening, I was really praying na wala munang mangyari sa amin kasi ang hapdi ng asshole ko. Pero nagwagi na naman ang tawag ng laman. And not to mention I really missed him that much, I did it anyways.

And its was the usual great hot monkey sex. You get the picture. We were all over the place. Hahaha. After almost 2 hours, we're finished. I got up, took a shower and we both slept.

I went to work early in the morning and as I was doing my usual work routine, I felt something wet in my pants...I went to the men's room agad to check what it was..

I almost vomited... (hahaha! O.A.!) Hindi naman. I was kinda shocked lang kasi my ass is bleeding.

Ang first aid na naisip ko? Punasan ng maraming tissue ang pwet ko, maghugas then get more tissues and put it in my boxer briefs. I feel like a girl with her period...complete with the "inis", "gigil" and "buwisit" factors.... Hassle talaga.

I texted Luch. Sorry sya ng sorry. Sorry daw kasi nanggigil sya...but he was sweet at nag-aalala sya. Kapag nagtagal at madami pa daw ang dugo, pumunta na ako sa clinic namin.

I just cant imagine myself going to the clinic then sasabihin "Please help me. My boyfriend just fucked me big time and now my ass is bleeding. Do you have tampons?"

No way!

And so, I just kept on going to the men's room to change every 4 hours... tsk tsk...ang weird pala ng ganung feeling. Now I know how girls feel.

After almost a week of changing my "tampons", the bleeding, as well as the constipation (yehey!) stopped!

Ganun lang pala ang gamot sa contipation. Normal na ulit ang pagdumi ko. LOL. Too much info ba? Sorry...

Anyways, we did it again last night. And it was like one of the best that we had so far. My ass is cooperating now and it does not give me bolts of pain anymore whenever he enters me. Pero hindi naman sya lumuwang. Hahaha. Ganun lag pala yun. Mind over matter. Or ako muna dapat on top. Hahahaha..

I know na nadidiri na kayo sa topic na ito so I will stop na...hehehehe

förtroende frågor (trust issues)

This one is waaaaayyy overdue na. This happened on the 13th. I dunno what came into me. Maybe my senses. Hahaha. Anyways, you be the judge.

It started right after we had lunch sa Glorietta. Sa isang fastfood chain. Syempre nabusog na naman ako. At kapag busog ako, kung ano ano ang naiisip ko. Nakita pa nga kami ng co-workers ko eh.

I was kinda surprised kasi nakilala pa ako nung mga co-workers ko na yun. Alam ko kung ano ang naiisip nung mga mokong na yun..." Uyyyyy...si Gaspard, may date...."

Anyways, this entry will be kinda serious..and not that long...

The following are exchange of messages between Luch and I.

I was asking him if he's faithful to "us" na... And I told him that I have eyes and that kapag niloko nya ako, malilintikan sya sa akin....

When I took the bus going south, I texted him that I enjoyed lunch with him and mag-ingat sya...He was gonna meet his other boyfriend eh. He didnt reply.

I was texting him for like dozens of times na and hes not replying. Na-bad trip yata sa ginawa ko.

Gaspard: Where are you na?

Luch:  U have "eyes" dba? Use them.

Gaspard: Please?

Luch: Nah... Ask your so called "eyes".

Gaspard: My "eyes" dont work if theyre not in front of the computer.

Luch: Whatever.

Gaspard: Sorry na Luch.

Luch: Sorry is just a word for you. It has no meaning na everytime you say it.

Gaspard: The 1st time we met, I asked you kung may nalalaman yung bf mo sa mga ginagawa mo. You answered na wala kasi magaling ka magtago. I know you told Joe na you'll be faithful to him. That he's the only one in your life. Look what happened when you and I met. I think you now have an idea why its hard for me to trust you na you're not looking at other guys. If you can do it to someone you love in all those 4 years, ano pa kaya sa akin na kakakilala mo pa lang? Make me trust you. Please. Because I dont wanna lose you. Make me believe you. Im really in love with you and I cant bear the idea that you're still seeing someone else. Please tell me what should I do to get over to paranoia.

Luch: I dont know.

Gaspard: See. Pati ikaw hindi mo masagot. Thats why Im always like this. I know Im shallow and close minded. I just cant bear to think that youre with another person. I love you so much and Im willing to sacrifice a lot. All I need is something that will tell me that "Luch is being faithful" or "Luch is behaving the way he should". And that you've changed. I cant find that thing yet if your actions contradict what youre saying. So please make me believe you. Make me trust you.

Luch: I dont know.

Gaspard: Youre breaking my heart right now by saying that you dont know how to prove yourself to me. I love you Luch. Mahal kita ng sobra sobra. I hope you can answer y question soon. Please.

Luch: Isip mo yan. Not mine. Pareho kayo ni Joe. You both think na malandi ako. Well, kaya siguro ako naging ganun dati kasi ganun sya mag-isip sa akin. Pinanindigan ko na lang.

Gaspard: Joe is an entirely different person from me. If he though of you that way, at tinotoo mo lang, Im asking you to be faithful. To be loyal. Sa una pa lang, talo na ako. Pero pinasok ko ito kasi mahal na kita. I met you when youre being unfaithful. Please change for me. I really wanted to be the one who could change you. Remember you told me na wala ka pang partner na nakapagpatino sayo? Im praying na ako na talaga yun. From now on, Im gonna shut up and not talk about this. But please I hope you can answer my question soon. Ayokong mawala ka Luch.

Luch: Ayaw mo akong mawala? Then wag mo ako pag-isipan ng masama! Kung ganon man tayo nag-start, I told you naman na kayong na lang 2 diba? Ano problema mo?

Gaspard: This will be the last time Im gonna be like this. I'll believe you and I'll take your word for it. But I just have to tell you this. If there's gonna be just one instance that I found out you're cheating on me, Im out. Thanks for somehow answering my question. Hindi na ako mag-iisip ng masama sayo. You can think of a consequence kung magdududa pa ako sayo. Im willing to take any punishment.

Luch: Kapag na feel ko again na ang tingin mo sa akin ay pokpok na pumapatl kahit kanino, wala ka nang maririnig sa akin. Ako, never ko ikaw pinag-isipan ng ganun, even kay Joe. Never ko naisip na cheap kayo na guys. Hindi mo alam ang feeling na ang tingin sayo ay slut!

Gaspard: Im fine with that Luch. Sorry if I made you feel this way. At least you can now see things from my perspective. I've learned new thing from you. I hope you'll understand how it feels to be in my position. Im gonna shut up now. I wont bring this up anymore. Again, sorry Luch.

Luch: Whats next Gaspard? Ano ang next na drama mo? Hindi na ako natutuwa ha.

Gaspard: Wala na Luch. I just hope this will make us stronger. Dont leave me.

Luch: Hindi ako nang-iiwan ng bf unless pagod na ako...Wag mo hayaang ma-feel ko sayo yun.

Gaspard: Binigyan mo na ako ng last warning eh. Hindi ko na papaabutin sa ganon. Mahal na mahal kita Luch.

Luch: I hope so nga...Matulog ka na.

Gaspard: I have one last favor to ask of you Luch.

Luch: Ano?

Gaspard: Sabihin mo naman sa akin na mahal mo pa din ako, kahit na shallow ako, retarded, close minded at paranoid. And that you can accept my flaws. I love you Luch.

Luch: Kahit naman ganon ka, I love you pero please change...Matulog ka na nga!

Gaspard: I will Luch. Kung gutom at pagda-diet natitiis ko na eh. Promise me we'll be together when we're changing. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita bebeboy ko....

Luch: Wag ka na magduda please...Swear wala na ako time for other guys pa. Mahal na mahal kita...Happy na ako sa inyo ni Joe..

Gaspard: Hindi na talaga Luch. Im not gonna raise this issue anymore. I get your last warning. I promise I'll change. Luch, mahal na mahal din kita...

Luch: Please change kasi ako, I changed na the day we met...

Gaspard: I believe you Luch. Sorry if Im like this pero sana nakuha mo yung point ko kanina, kung ikaw ang nasa position ko... hindi na kita pagdududahan. I promise I will change na. Ayoko mawala ka.

Luch: I trust and believe you naman...sana ikaw din.

Gaspard: I hope youre still with me while im changing ha. You dont know how much I care and love you. I just cant bear the idea na iiwanan mo ako. Basta I'll change na :)

Luch: Oo naman. Magkasama tayo.

Gaspard: Wait lang. May aayusin lang ako...

Luch: Mahal na mahal na mahal kita Gaspard...

Gaspard: I just died. Hehehe. Love you too Luch ko. Text kita in a bit.

Luch: Wag ka muna mamatay...magsasama pa tayo forever...

Gaspard: Thats sweet. Nilalanggam ako dito. Hahahaha...Basta our last warning sa isat isa ay malinaw....Hindi na mauulit..

Alam ko nakakaumay ang ka-dramahan sa post na ito. Hahaha. Paulit ulit din ang mga nilalagay ko. Anyways, okay na ulit kami ni Luch....

And yes, just so you guys know, I indeed have eyes, not only sa internet....it really is amazing what private investigators can do for you...hahahaha....

Monday, November 8, 2010

Luch Pojkvän ( Luch's Boyfriend)

It was Luch's sister's 18th birthday and I had the opportunity to be her escort on that day. I actually prepared for that days since its not only gonna be Luch's family who's gonna be there but also his partner. Yup. Just this Saturday, I met the "legal one".

Of course at first I didn't know what to do on that day but Luch kept on telling that it's gonna be fine as long as we stick to our "script".

Here it goes...

I started working with Luch since February this year. (False.)

It just so happened that we're on different departments. (False. We work at two different companies.)

I met Luch through a common friend, a batchmate from college. (False. I just met his friends/officemates recently. We met at Facebook. LOL)

Luch and I are just friends. (False. Errrr... Yeah. False.)

I was supposed to be with another officemate/friend but then she ditched me because she was so drunk last night at last night's gimik so I was the only one from our office who was able to make it. (False. No one was coming with me but me.)

That I should not be jealous at them when they're being sweet with one another. (Okay. This would be easy. I'm an actor! LOL)

That I should be a good friend and a good boy and not be bitchy towards his legal boyfriend. (I'm always a good boy and I'm well behaved. Pumayag na lang kayo sa statement na yan. Hehehehe)


I was supposed to go to Bulacan alone since I already know how to go there but then again, Luch and his boyfriend is just around Makati at that time and they just decided to pick me up. (From now on, let's call Luch's boyfriend "Joe".)

So I was inside the car. It was just the three of us. Joe, on the driver's seat, Luch, on his right, and me, on the backseat looking utterly constipated.

I was really forcing myself to look as calm and as goodlooking as possible throughout the entire ride to Bulacan. Maybe because Joe kept on looking at me through his rear view mirror. I was having miniature heart attacks so I just pretended to fall asleep just to avoid the awkward conversations.

Luch formally introduced me to Joe when were arrived at Bulacan. And yes, just like what Luch said, he's gonna be sweet with him and I should act civil and friendly pa din. I really thought that it's gonna be difficult but the weirdest thing happened.

I was not jealous at them. And I'm the type of guy na seloso!

I was getting to know Joe more as the hours passed. He's a great guy. He's an established dentist and he's doing well for a 31 year old guy. He's in control of his life. He's a devout Catholic and God fearing. And you should have seen the way he laughs or smile whenever Luch is with him being sweet.

Joe doesn't have a clue on what's really happening on that Saturday afternoon.

The whole event went smoothly. I was able to look as dashing as possible to his sister and for some of the ladies in the party. Some of them even took pictures of me with them. (Ako na! Ako na talaga! hahahaha!)

The night ended with Luch, too tired, went to bed and it was just Joe, some of Luch's cousins and I were left. We sang, played Pinoy Henyo (Nabanggit ko na yata ang lahat ng SM sa buong Pilipinas, Mall of Asia pa ang nakalimutan ko! Badtrip!) and drank until we called it a night.

I felt at ease with Joe. Now I know why Luch can't leave him.

By the way, it was just the three of us in the same room. And of course, my bed is in between theirs. Hehehe.

On Sunday morning, I texted my friends right away, those who know who Luch is.

"Ang weird. Diba dapat nagseselos ako sa kanila? Bakit hindi? As in parang wala lang sa akin na sweet sila at harap harapan ko pang nakikita?"

"You know what, I have theories..."

"Im listening"

"Maybe you're just contented with the way things are going. That you're already comfortable with the fact that you're just the other guy in the relationship and you have no right to be jealous."

"Alam ko na seloso ako. Everytime I know na magkasama nga sila ni Joe eh hindi ako mapakali. Nalulungkot ako. Pero bakit ngayon, wala talaga akong nararamdaman?"

"This might sound negatively but do you really love Luch? Kasi magseselos ka lang naman sa isang tao kung mahal mo talaga sya eh."

This made me think. I was kinda depressed the whole morning. When Luch and I were alone, or when Joe was taking a quick shower, he told me that he loves me. And he kissed me. And do you know what I just did? I said "okay". God, I was a jerk. And I still am. I literally thought that he's about to cry when I told him about what's happening with me. He asked me if I really love him. I was speechless. Hindi ko sya masagot. I just told him I'm sorry.... He left the room, feeling quite sad and annoyed. I dunno what happened to me.

We bid goodbye to his folks and it was now the time to go back to Makati. Luch was not talking to me throughout the entire way back to the city.

They dropped me off somewhere so that I could take a bus home. The moment I left Joe's car and I know that they were both alone, jealousy hit me. Hard. I didn't know what to do.

That evening, I texted Luch tons of times. Called him but he was not picking it up.

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?"

I wanted to shout sa bahay na "Luch, sagutin mo nga ito! Please!"

Finally, he replied to my texts. I told him I am sorry for acting this way. I told him that this will never happen again. That the thought of losing him will drive me insane. I still am madly in love with him. I wanted to go back to Makati at his condo but I can't. Joe's gonna spend the night over there.

I couldn't sleep. I wasn't able to eat dinner. I kept on thinking what were they doing. I can't imagine them being alone. That's when I realized na siguro, hindi ako nagselos that time kasi nakikita ko ang ginagawa nila.

I told Luch that I love him. I asked him if he still does. And yeah. He still does. I promised that I will not do anything like this anymore. I will not doubt.

I love you Luch! Kung pwede ko lang isigaw yan....


Kung napansin nyong sabog sabog ang entry na ito, pagpasensyahan nyo na. Nagmamadali ako eh. I'm gonna meet Luch in 5 minutes....ayan 3 na lang pala....tsk tsk... ayaw nyang nale-late ako eh sakit ko na yun since pre-school pa ako... anyways, wish us luck!

I'm gonna go get my boyfriend. LOL.

Til next time, aking munting blog!


Note to Gaspard
- linisin ang grammar at mga punctuation marks
- ayusin mo na din ang utak mo, adik ka na eh
- have time to read your earlier posts, nakakahiya ang mga errors eh
- edit your stuff...tsk tsk...ang tagal mo nang gustong gawin yan eh hindi matuloy tuloy!

Saturday, October 30, 2010


"Bebeboy, gusto ko ng dessert! Wala bang dessert? Bebeboy?"

Hehehehehe... I just miss you. That's all :P


Kinabahan talaga ako nun! Alam na ng boyfriend ni Luch yung number ko! Haaaay nako...

This is how it happened...

Luch and I were just watching TV sa livingroom nila (yeah, kilala na po ako ng kanyang mga magulang at kamag-anak at feeling close na din ako hehehe), when I checked my phone...

actually, my phone was just inside my pocket...I was waiting for a text message from my sister...when I didnt get to hear it beep or even vibrate, I checked it kung meron ngang message...

This is the part the made me shout "oh my God". Crap.

Naka-unlock ang phone ko. (weird kasi touch screen sya)

May outgoing phone call.

I asked Luch if he knew the number that my phone "pocket dialled"

Number yan ni ******! (boyfriend ni Luch)

Hindi ko alam kung sadyang pinaglalaruan lang ako ng tadhana (LOL. Sobrang tagalog. Hahahaha) or talagang may saltik lang ang phone ko.

Sa dinami dami ng mobile number na pwede ma-dial accidentally ay number pa ng boyfriend ni Luch!

May hypothesis naman kami ni Luch kung paano nangyari yun...

Kasi, earlier that day, kinukulit ko si Luch habang natutulog sya. I was making his phone ring like someone's calling him....at kapag gising na sya at malapit na nya sagutin ang phone, I hung up... hehehehe... masarap sya kulitin eh... lalo na kapag natutulog. LOL

going back...

So nasa recently dialled numbers ko yung number nya

so MAYBE, for some odd reason, my phone unlocked itself, went to the recently dialled numbers and replaced Luch's number with his boyfriends (Luch's mobile number is almost the same with his boyfriend's except that the last digit in Luch's number is a 5 and his boyfriend's a 4)


Is this a warning? A premonition that I should stop now?

I asked Luch...and he said that we shouldn't stop, now that we're a "couple" and we're both happy being with each other. At the back of my mind, I know that there will be something much worse that will happen in the future. Luch doesn't want me to go.

At that exact moment, I was weighing the consequences. My mind told me that what I'm doing is completely insane, selfish, irresponsible, disrespectful, slutty, and all the negative words that I could think of. But my heart told me that I'm in love and I'm happy being with him.

I know that some of you guys have gone through something that is similar to what's happening to me right now. And I guess you know how I feel...

At that point, I was just hoping that Luch will realize that this won't work. But I can't tell that to him. I never want this to end. I fell in love with him badly and so did he.

"Panindigan mo naman ako, Gaspard. Kasi ako pinaninindigan kita at ang mga mangyayari sa atin."

Instantly, my worries and fears were gone. He's gonna be there for me. I just know that he was sincere. He loves me. For real.

That night, we slept on the same bed, hugged, kissed me and he held my hand until I fell asleep. I could rest in his arms forever.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Att göra eller inte göra (5th and Final Part)

He is the sweetest guy that I have ever met. Ever. I really didnt know when and how it started but falling in love with him is soooo easy.

The first time I met him, he told me that he hasnt met a guy yet na makakapagpatino sa kanya. Maybe, just maybe, I'm gonna be that guy. I asked him why is he still going out with me. Why is he risking his happy relationship just to be with me. He has more things to lose when this goes out and his partner knows about this.

His answer took me by surprise. Honestly, the moment he said that, I know that I will fall for this guy. My walls began to tremble and crumble to pieces. He told me the difference between the right guy, the ideal guy for you and the perfect guy.

He told me that I'm the right guy for him. The ideal guy. And he will not waste a moment or not grab the opportunity to be with me. Luch... I used to think that he was just playing. I didn't know that he's taking me seriously.

And so we met. As each day passes, the guilt and the feeling of being the other guy slowly fades. He told me to never ever think that I am the "other guy".... or even say that I'm the "K" word... kamote... hahahaha! Kabit! hahahahaa! He even makes me laugh eventhough we're talking about very serious matters. Now I miss him...

By the way, if you might have noticed na paulit-ulit na lang ang tinatype ko, pagpasensyahan nyo na. I just cant help writing about Luch.

He asked me to come with him to Bulacan. He wants to introduce me to his family. And since he is not out, he's gonna introduce me as a friend from the office. I didn't know that Plaridel's far from Makati. Hahaha! Anyways, the trip was not that boring since Luch kept on talking and talking and made me laugh throughout the whole trip. At the back of my mind, I was really nervous about the things that will happen. Will his relatives think na snob ako or hindi approachable? Those were the questions that kept on ringing inside my head. Sigh.

The tricycle ride from the highway to his place took like forever. I was in awe. A complete change of scenery. Imagine! From the very urban Makati, we were like transported to a very rural Plaridel. Probinsyang probinsya talaga... but I liked the fact that for a weekend, I can enjoy the cool and clean breeze, the warm weather, far from the worries and lights of the city.

By the way, meron silang malaking santo sa loob ng bahay nila. I almost peed on my pants when I saw that. Nakakatakot! hahaha! I'm 5 feet 11 inches and it's taller than me! I cant even stare at its eyes. Baka kasi gumalaw na lang bigla at kausapin ako.

Saturday with his family went smoothly. I was able to meet his relatives. His parents, sibs, cousins, in laws and so on. I even got the chance to meet their pigs and dogs. Hahaha!

This is the best part of that Saturday. He took me on a bike ride to their farm. It felt like I'm with him someone in the south of France or Italy cruising past yards of vineyards. Well, actually, mga palay ang nandun. Hahaha. And he kissed me on the lips. We went in circles in their beautiful farm. I wished that ride never ended.

We came back and had dinner. I was so sure that the day after will be more beautiful.

And it did. But it was also tiring. You see, his dad is running for a position in the barangay and Luch's kinda in charge of almost everything. And being the helping hand, tumulong ako. (duh). We were also preparing for a party for the young people there. But its not only the young people who came, pati na din ang mga "mature and older" people. Hehehe.

This was the eve of my 21st birthday and I was preparing spaghetti, namili ng ingredients para sa handa (and nalaman ko din kung saan talaga gawa ang sisig), nagpapa-usok ng baga para makapag-grill para sa liempo, chopping newly fried (as in yung kakagaling lang talaga sa kumukulong mantika) tofu into cubes and so on. I was determined na magpa-bibo sa mga relatives nya. hahaha!

All of a sudden, he brought out a cake. They lit the candle up and they started singing me a happy birthday. It almost made me cry. There I was, dugyutin, pawis na pawis at amoy usok, inaawitan ng mga taong kakakilala ko pa lamang. Luch had planned all of these things. It touched me so much that I almost felt that a tear might run down my left cheek. That was the sweetest thing a guy had ever done for me.

After dinner, I was super tired that I just didnt want to take a shower anymore. I just wanted to sleep. I went to bed and feel asleep immediately. Mahimbing ang tulog ko nang bigla na lang ako ginising ni Luch. May dala syang wet towel. I thought that this day couldnt be any better. I thought wrong. Pinunasan nya ang buo kong katawan. Pinalitan nya din ako ng damit like I was a baby. Pogi points na naman! Hahaha! Then he kissed me goodnight again.

At hindi pa nagtatapos dyan ang kwento. Bigla na lang ako nagising. 12 midnight and I'm now 21. He wished me a   happy birthday. And then he said it. Three words. Eight letters. He was mine. And I knew at that instant, that I was his.

The model in that blog is no longer single.

Another promise broken. hahaha!

Expect more posts about Luch! :D

Monday, October 18, 2010

annan skrivelse till Juliet (another letter to Juliet)

This is a letter to Juliet, if by any chance you are Juliet, please give me advice. I would really appreciate it. And if you're not Juliet, read on. Para naman may pampadagdag din ng advice...

Dear Juliet,

I dont know how to start. Whenever I'm falling for someone, I tend to be stupid. Really stupid.

I met Luch last month and things were pretty good between the two of us. I'm into him and he's into me. We met each other just to have sex and that's it. Well, we kinda liked what we did and so we met for another day... then another... We started to see each other more often, and not to have sex. We started to like each other's company. We cuddle a lot and say stupid things to each other. He makes me laugh. I think I make him laugh. LOL. We make each others day better. We go out for dinner. We talk for hours about anything that we can think of.

Things were pretty getting out of hand. I was starting to fall in love with him. And he is starting to fall for me too. The bad thing is that he is already in a four year relationship with his boyfriend.

I really dont want to ruin a relationship just because I am too selfish and emotionally unstable. It really unfair, lalo na sa partner ni Luch. I already told this to Luch, and just doesnt want to listen. He keeps on justifying something that we both know is wrong in the first place. No matter how you look at it, he's unfaithful and I'm the 20 year old coincidence.

I really dont care about anything when I'm with him. I know that we were already in love with each other but we just to want to admit it to one another. I just thought that maybe, we're just playing...

I was wrong. What I felt for him for the past few weeks grows as each day passes. I know that I'm stupid for falling in love with him too quickly. That's just how I am. When I feel like he's the right one, my walls begin to tremble.

Juliet, I don't know what to do. I know that one day, he will have to choose between the two of us, eventhough he keeps on telling me that it wont happen. I know that he will choose him over me. If his partner ever knows this, I'm screwed. I have no right to be mad at him. Respeto lang.

I am the one to blame. If I didnt meet him in the first place, this would never happen.

Juliet, this is not the first time this happened. I met this guy, Chuck, a year ago. During that time, he was with his partner but he wanted to stay with me too.


Luch is the sweetest guy that I have ever met. He's always honest with me.

Juliet, should I stay or should I go? Please help me. I fell in love. Am Stupid. Again.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

dess min födelsedag! (it's my birthday!)

It's my birthday today! I just turned 21 years old a few hours ago... And I feel soooo old... Hahhahaha!

My birthday wishes?

sana yumaman ako at maging isang sikat na artista

pera! LOL

isang umaatikabong love life!

a healthier life

a stronger family

repentance for the wrong things I've done

to be goal oriented

food! (matakaw pa din ako)

more opportunities to make myself a better person

more career opportunities

isang katerbang lalaki... hahahha!

Be a good boy! hahaha

basta... ayan na muna... things will always fall into their proper places when the right time comes... I am happy that I have great things going on for me... I cant wait to be more mature (?) and become independent (hopefully soon... I want to have my own place na!)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Att göra eller inte göra (4th Part)

He asked me "What if my partner all of a sudden arrives here? Will you have the guts to face him?"

That made me think. I said yes, like any arrogant young man.

"No. Wag mo gagawin yun."

I should hide under his bed along with all my stuff. Make sure that I'm in the very corner and should be as quiet as a mouse. Don't forget to turn my phone off. He will trick his partner to go down somewhere (like go buy something at a nearby convenience store). Once the place is empty, I should swiftly dress up, get all my belongings. Turn my phone on. Wait for his cue. Once I get the go signal, I will lock his condo, use the stairs to go down one floor and that's where I will take the elevator.

So thats the game plan?

He asked me to not think that he's treating me badly. Frankly, I don't care. He told me that we'll keep this a secret from his partner as long as possible. Gago si Luch. Alam ko. At alam nya din yun. His arrogance and being conceited, his being carefree and selfish makes me like him even more. He even compares me to his current partner. Alam ko iniisip nyo. Weird but true. I dunno why.

But you know what, for the past few days that we have been together, he brings out the wild side, the devil in me, while I bring out the sweet and thoughtful guy in him. Ano ba yan! Gaspard! Remember! Yung walls mo! Don't let them tumble down!

Anyways, going back, I have been enjoying myself. I am happy with what's going on. Hmm. Not really.

I never imagined that I will be the "other guy" in a relationship. I asked Luch kung hindi ba sya nagi-guilty sa mga nangyayari sa amin. He answered that nobody owns him, not even his partner. I was kinda taken aback. Doesn't he even care about what his partner will feel once he knows that we're kinda seeing each other na? "Kaya nga dapat atin atin lang ito eh."

I've learned that he has never introduced his partner of 4 years to his closest friends. That he can't do the same things that he does with me with his partner.

When he was sleeping, I was just watching him. Staring at his face. I know that what I'm doing is not right. He told me that I shouldn't be guilty. I was disappointed with how I was acting. I am disappointed with myself. Hindi naman daw kasi malalama ng partner nya eh so walang guilt dapat. I realized that he was right. They're still together, 4 years and counting, without his partner not even knowing what's really going on....Magaling nga sya magtago....


We have been seeing each other often now. Just last night, we had dinner together. Nagkukulitan. Eventhough he is 10 years older than me, parang wala ding age gap. LOL.

He has a partner. Alam ng mga friends nya yun. And his bestfriend knows what happening between Luch and I.

He called me at 4:17 in the morning. Why? Just because he missed talking to me. He made me smile throughout the whole day.

He makes me miss him. Darn. But I'm still sure of my walls.

He asked me to not make my walls too high.

We were laughing while we were strolling under the moonlight.

I feel bad and disappointed with myself. Respeto lang naman sa partner nya.

He asked me what I wanted for his birthday, aside from him.

We were planning on a trip for two to Boracay or Baguio. We're now even planning on spending New Year together.

He wanted our secret to last. Just between the two of us.

Our little secret.

Watch out for the fifth and final part....

Att göra eller inte göra (3rd Part)

It was fun. After that whole experience, we decided to do it again. We could barely keep our hands off each other. After that evening, we met again for the second round. LOL. This time, I stayed over at his condo. We did it before we sleep. Then we did it again in the morning when we woke up. And finally, we did it again in the afternoon before I go home. We were really comfortable with each other na?

We like kissing each other. Holding hands while staring at each other's eyes. Lying in bed. Rubbing our feet together. At walang katapusang pambobola sa isat isa! Hahaha!

He asked me if I could do him a favor. He asked me that if I'm gonna have sex with other guys, I should do it safely daw. Why? Because when he wants to do it with me, he wants it bareback. Weird... I told him that I'm gonna do that if he's gonna do the same thing. Hindi daw sya  ganun. Masaya na daw sya sa aming dalawa ng partner nya. I dont believe him. Ano yun??? Haha! Sabi nya ay pihikan daw sya sa mga nakaka-do nya. Ako? Syempre ako din! He or she should be good looking at may sense din naman kausap. Hehehe.

We've only met each other for two weeks now but everything seems so light when I'm with him. May nabanggit nga sya sa akin eh. One of his friends asked Luch kung isa lamang akong "flavor of the month". He answered that he doesn't do that with people he just have sex with. Magaling mambola itong si Luch eh.

Eto ang mga kalokohan nya:

He's proud of me. And that's why he wanted to meet his closest friends. He wanted me to meet his friends so that in a way, I'll know what kind of person he really is.

He wanted to talk for hours and just rub our feet together, which I find really sweet.

Ang gwapo ko daw. Isa yan sa mga reasons din kung bakit daw sya proud sa akin. Hahaha! Parang adik lang eh!

He wants me to stay over at his place so that we could just cuddle and sleep together. I find this really sweet. I like hugging him. And do you know the feeling when your body and arms fits his when you hug each other? Basta. Parang ganun.

He wanted to see me when I wake up in the morning because he says that you can only see a person's real appearance when he or she just woke up. And he liked the way I looked when I woke up. Pambihira! Magaling talaga mambola!

Madami pa syang sinasabi pero I just didn't bother to listen to them. Why? Because I still have my walls up and they wont fall down soon.

At this point, he was very sweet to me. He makes me laugh. And he made me realize na hindi lang talaga sex ang habol namin sa isat-isa.

Just after the 2nd time I met his friends, he asked me, again, to sleep over at his condo. Hindi na ako nagpapilit kasi gusto ko din naman. When it was time to sleep, he asked me to just cuddle with him. His body felt warm against mine.

To tell you the truth, that was the sweetest and most romantic day/evening of my life. We were just talking. Hugging each other. Kissing. A sweet kind of kiss. Lambingan kumbaga. Naglalambingan lamang hanggang makatulog. Tama. Hindi lang nga sex ang habol ni Luch. Nakakatuwa naman.

Siguro lahat ng "player" ay alam na ang mga ganitong strategy. I dunno.

viskning från det förflutna

Nate - I dunno what's up with this guy. I havent seen him for like decades now. We dont talk so I dunno what's the latest with this guy. Maybe he's happy with someone else? I dunno :P

Chuck - Nothing. Totally avoiding each other. Hi or hello lang kapag nagkakasalubong sa mall or sa hallways.

Pojke - We have been talking again. Text messages. A few calls. Malandi pa din sya. Hindi nagbago. Hehehe

Beau - Hindi na kami nagkaka-usap! Pero kapag nagkakasalubong kami sa hallway, ngitian lang. Then tapik sa balikat at sabay bigkas ng "hello". Hahahaha! May kahulugan kaya ang kanyang mga ngiti? Hahaha!

En Sista Dans

One last dance? I dont know... You know what? I know that we all have choices. If ever you said goodbye, then so be it. Ayoko na nang naghahabol. Wala naman akong hinahabol pala. I mean wala pala dapat akong habulin in the first place.

If you want to shun me away from you, then I would accept that whole heartedly.


Hey Nate. Musta?

Im good.



After i txtd u, u just replied "k". When i asked u if ayun lng b tlg tanong mo, u didnt reply. Akala ko kc madaming ita@nong kc nga diba tumawag ka pa. Then sbi mo we'll just talk it over when we eat pizza. Then u changed ur mind na iiwan mo n lng s pantry. Did i do something wrong? Pls tell me.

It's ok. Nvm.

So i really did something wrong...and u'd rather not tell it to me? Pls Nate. Pra naman may magawa ako sa sarili ko or at least make it up to you...Please?

I am your acting kuya. I just thought that you made it clear na you'll not do something not right. And i also thought you made a promise. I was just surprised with what you did. Dont worry. I wont take it against you. Its your life anyways. Goodluck. Sige. May pupuntahan pa ako.

Ure cold all of a sudden. Alam ko na-bad trip ka at some extent. and i know that u prefer to be silent than to talk about it. And i dont get it... i dont like it either... Sorry. but sometimes, people change.


I really thought this would mean nothing to you. We barely even talk with each other. Not that I am in a position to demand time from you because obviously, you have your own life.


Nate? I know ure busy but can we talk abt this ng harapan? Naguguluhan lng tlg ako eh. Pls. I just thought that this was gonna be fine with you. Obviously it wasnt. Pls? Txt me when u're gonna be free. I'll be expecting a reply from u...

Gaspard, its fine. I promised myself that I'll take care of you by guiding you on what to do in this kind of world. I felt im responsible coz you're claiming that it's your first time with me. But after what happened that night, it seems you enjoyed it. So i think my responsibility has come to an end. I just hope that you'll be a responsible plu.

Pls promise u wont go away. Please.

I can still be your friend.

But u already said goodbye s blog ko. I hope u didnt mean that, ryt?

As a kuya.


U still awake? :)


Gising k pa tlga? Can i call u?


I wanna talk to you.


Abt why u said goodbye. Or why u suddenly turned cold. Questions really.

Not now. I'll sleep na. Maybe next time.



I wont bother to exert any effort. I wont do anything anymore. I am tired. And Im the one whos really  making myself tired. I surrender. If you dont want to talk, fine. If you'll just treat me coldly, that would be okay. If you don't wanna bump into each other or even say hi or a hello, it will be okay. I have lost you months ago. I m not really gonna lose anything now, won't I?

I just hope that you'll do good.

I'll always stay. I think you already know that.

By the way, nagpromise ka na you're gonna give me my birthday gifts! Im just reminding you that my birthday is near na! Hehehe