Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Så Här Avslutar en Härlig Cykel (How to End a Glorious Cycle)

This is how my Valentine's day went. It was all good for me. Well, I guess, finally I got the closure that I wanted. Eventhough Nate wasn't even there, at least, I was able to manage na. This thing called "love" for Nate is, now I know, will last longer kung magkaibigan lang talaga kami.

I was so happy for what happened on the 14th of this year's February. All the realizations came rushing down.

I started my Valentines day, trying to reminisce how it all began and ended. I know what I'm gonna write today is super cheesy but whatever. I don't care. Hahaha!

First I went up to our office's yosi area. I just want to remember what it smells like when Nate is smoking. Of course, naka-ear phones na naman ako at pinapatugtog ko ang song ko para sa kanya. Masaya alalahanin ang nakaraan. Na ang saksi lamang sa aming paglalambingan ay ang mga bangkong gawa sa bakal, usok ng sigarilyo at electric fan na ikot lang ng ikot. Nakaka-miss din pala kahit papaano.

Siguro, isang oras din ako nagpaka-martyr doon. Nang dumami na ang tao, lumabas na ako. Ayokong may makakita sa akin dun. Obvious kaya, kasi hindi naman ako naninigarilyo tapos tambay ako ng yosi area!

After that, I went to the church sa Greenbelt where I threw my ring away. I was supposed to give that ring to him, para maging official na kami nga. Pero hindi naman sya natuloy, pero okay lang din naman na sa akin. Eventhough I'm not Catholic, I prayed in that church. Prayed to God, thanking him for the wonderful blessings that I have been receiving. Thanking him that I loved a person, more than myself. I prayed that God will take care of Nate, help him when he needs it. I prayed that somehow, hindi na masaktan si Nate. I know that Heavenly Father will take care of him. I have realized that if you really love someone, you should support them. In everything that they do. You should always be happy for their choices. The paths that they take. And if the time comes that they will return, your arms should be open for them, ready to take them home. A friend texted me, telling me the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation is when your special someone left you and you want them back no matter what. Love is when your special someone left you and you are willing to accept their choices, and be happy for them, no matter how much it pains you. True love does exist. I finally know it does.

I kept on telling that he blogged about happiness. Saying that it's all in how you decide over things and think rationally. It was beautiful. As I type this, I know that I still love him. Pero I know that he will be happier with a "king", and not a humble "prince" like me. I guess I'll not be the one who will catch him if he falls. And by the time he found his "king", I will smile, knowing that he will be in good hands. Nate's smart. He can manage. Again, I looked at the pond where I left my ring. For me, though I lost that ring, he will always be here beside me. No more tears. I was smiling. I know I'm happy that I loved Nate. After a few more minutes under the intense sun, I walked away. With my favorite swagger. Hahaha. Should I dare say that I felt like a rock star now that I'm starting to get over him? Hahaha! (nonsense)

After the church, I went back to the ice cream stall where we usually buy....ice cream....(roll your eyes now and say duh) Masarap kumain ng ice cream, lalo na kapag mainit sa labas. After bumili ng ice cream, pinuntahan ko ang mga place sa mall na yun madalas namin pagtaguan para walang makakita na officemate sa amin. Paikot ikot lang ako dun. I have to tire myself out. Pero masaya naman eh. Kasi in my mind, he's walking beside me. Siguro nga may tama ako. Ganun talaga eh. Nung naramdaman kong paubos na ang ice cream ko, I decided to eat at Sbarro, my favorite pizza shop. Puno kasi ang Pizza Hut eh. 

As the night drew nearer, I decided that it was now the time that I should go back to the place where I met a great person. Where we shared our first cups of coffee, eventhough I didn't drink any coffee. Hahaha. Weird. I mean it feels weird that I was there, staring blankly to the chair opposite me. No one's there. It was just me and my cold drink. The air smells familiar. I smell his perfume. I  didn't cry. He wouldn't want to be overly dramatic. Hahaha! Okay. One sip. Two sips. Then think. Third sip. I remember talking to him. Exactly at this spot. How he smiles. The way he talks. The way he smokes. Those were good times. Before we were starting to get serious, I actually prayed to God, na kung hindi kami magtatagal, bigyan nya ako ng sign. (Ang arte ko noh?) Ang sign na hiningi ko ay ulan. Sigh. Ulan lang ang hiniling ko na sign, Ondoy ang dumating. (tsk tsk) Binalaan na din pala ako eh, hindi pa ako nakinig. Hahaha! Anyways, remembering good things, eventhough wala yung person na part ng memory na yun, masaya pa din balikan ang mga times na you were laughing with him, sharing stories. Having personal conversations. Fourth sip. Malapit na pala maubos ang drink ko. Masarap. Hehehe.

I texted Nate the day after Valentine's day. He had a black one pa din daw. Basta, alam nya naman na nandito lang ako for him. I'm happy. And contented. I told him to take care of himself. I knew at that point, I have earned a new bestfriend. Mag-ingat ka pare... Labyu!

Sorry.... Amiga pala!


Nate and Gaspard's Love Story
Aug. 7, 2009 (Friday at around 9:35am) to Feb.14, 2010 (Sunday at around 8:57pm)

Nate and Gaspard's Friendship
Aug. 7, 2009 (Friday at around 9:35am) onwards....

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