Friday, April 30, 2010

Detta Fick Mig att Tänka (This Got Me Thinking)

My officemate has been acting really weird. This has been going on for the past few weeks but I never really paid too much attention to it. Ayoko maging feeler. Hahaha.


To start things off, the two of us, along with other two guys belong to a group that people call the "coverboys". Ang corny... (Eto na po. Magbubuhat na ako ng bangko. Kung ayaw nyo mayabangan, skip to the next paragraph na lang.) We are four guys sa group na yun and the reason why people called us that way is because there are a number of people who would like to go out with us or some people think that we're handsome or something like that. Parang mga "office crushes".


I have been noticing that this guy has been getting really close to me. I know for a fact that he wants to go out with our girl officemate but then she's already married. And he's already in a complicated relationship with another girl. I think he's the third wheel in that relationship. Okay, let's skip some details.

Again, for the past few days, I have been noticing his actions towards me are really kinda getting weird. He would talk more often to me or hang out with me. This is weird because we weren't really close before. Is he just opening up because we've been officemates for months now? He would always ask me to accompany him whenever he goes out to buy something or to just go to the comfort room. (Diba? Parang ang weird? Babae lang naman ang nagtatawag ng back-up bago makarating ng CR eh.) Then another officemate, to whom I'm really close with, approached me and asked me something.

"Are you going out with Beau?" (sige na nga... Beau na ang codename nya!)

"No, why?"

"Nothing. Just asking." (Then sabay irap sya sa akin... tapos may ngiti na nakakaloko... yung parang masarap tusukin ang mata! heheheh)

So hindi lang pala ako ang nakakahalata? Then one time, and this is the thing that really made me even more curious about him, most of my officemates were on lunch. You know what? He waited for me to finish what I'm doing so that we can take our lunch together.

One of our officemates has a zit on his face. Then he said "Nakakainis! May pimple na naman ako! In love kasi eh!"

Then all of a sudden Beau said "Ako din eh." Then he looked and smiled at me?!?!?!? Ano ito? Lokohan? Nagulat lang talaga ako! Akala ko ba talaga straight sya?

He even called me one night just to ask me if I wanna go to work or not.

Then just a few minutes ago, he called me to ask if I'm going to Ayala today because our "officemates" are going out for a group lunch kasi I'm on leave.

I dunno what to do. Actually, I should not be doing anything diba? Ang weird nya... Let's see how this goes. Is this a start of something new.... and interesting... Let's see.


A bien tot, Beau! Je t'embrasse! (nyek! feeler na nga ako! hahahaha!)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Gå och Se (Go and See)

I think my agent is gonna kill me now. I haven't been able to go to "go-sees" because of my regular work schedule. For this week ONLY, I missed 2 VTRs and 1 go-see for a fashion show. Sigh.

I'm not really prioritizing this kind of "work" naman eh. It's just that I'm having way more fun in this compared to my regular job. Part of being a model is that you get to attend parties and meet new people. You also get eat a lot for free (specially during commercial shootings) and you get the clothes for free!

And if you really devote your time in this kind of "work", maybe it's gonna be good as a regular work... But the thing here is that in this kind of industry, nothing is permanent. People may see you as too old when you turn 23 years old. Weird. At eto pa! Marami nang bago! I mean, there are a lot of newcomers who are still "fresh". The worst part is that you have to compete. Anyways, I'm not focusing in modelling naman eh.

Sigh.

I just hate it when I want to go to go-sees but then because of other things, I don't get to make habol. Maybe next time na lang. Go-see season pa naman ngayon. Tsk.

Friday, April 23, 2010

あなたにお誕生日おめでとう! (Mama!)

You might be wondering why the title of my post this time is in Japanese. This is because my mom is gonna celebrate her birthday! She honestly doesn't want to keep track of her age because she wants to feel young. She doesn't look her age nga eh.  (kelangan mabait kasi birthday eh).... Anyways, this entire entry would be dedicated for my Japanese mom.

Eventhough you stopped teaching us Japanese when we turned five years old, eventhough at times you party harder than us, eventhough you are more vain than us, eventhough you can't do a lot of things without putting on make up first, eventhough you frequent the gym more than going to the market to get us something to eat, eventhough you sometimes forget that we are still kids at heart, eventhough spoil us, eventhough we know you will never be the perfect mother.....

I LOVE YOU MOM! WE LOVE YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Thanks for being the BESTEST (may word bang ganun?) MOM IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!

Eventhough we are growing so fast, eventhough we tend to be insensitive towards you at times, eventhough we forget to kiss you or hug you each day, eventhough I still haven't told you what I really am, eventhough we sometimes lie to you, eventhough we force you to give us things because we know that you can't resist us, eventhough I will never be a perfect son...

WE LOVE YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS!

And always remember, mama, I will always be your little boy Gaspard. I love you Mama!

Kommer jag fortfarande att en vän? (Will i still be a friend?)

Will I still be a friend? You know what, after almost a month of not speaking, texting, thinking of him, (basically what I SHOULD be doing for the past few months), I'm finally okay. I could say that definitely, I got over him. I feel good. I feel contented. Before, I was just used to fooling myself into thinking that I was done. This time, it's for real. I still love and care for him but I can honestly say, I'm no longer in love with Nate. Maybe one day, I can just talk to him like a friend.


When I see him pass by, I want to talk to him. Feeling ko super stressed na sya sa work nya. Tsk tsk. Lagi syang bangag. Haaay. Anyways, ayun nga. Kapag nagkikita kami sa hallway, kung hindi nya ako iirapan, parang wala syang nakita! Nako! Dukutin ko mata mo eh!


One time nga, parang gusto ko sya pag-tripan. Like if we're gonna bump into each other or magkita kami sa hallway, magpapa-cute ako or will send him flying kisses. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Natatawa ako kapag naiisip ko yun.

Ooooppppssss.... His birthday is almost here na. Just like what I've read sa isang blog, I don't know if I will be able to greet him. After what happened between the both of us, will I still be able to start new with him? Not only Nate, but also with the other two guys, Chuck and Pojke?

I still want to be your friend. Pat you at the back when you've done something good or punch you in the face when you did something bad.... I still want to be your friend. To start a casual conversation, to laugh or to sip non-caffeinated  drinks. Maybe catch up with one another one of these days.... Maybe in the future...

Oh well... I'll just hold on to love! WEEEEEEHHHHH!!!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

änglar inte har vingar (angels do not have wings)

Angels do not have wings. I think angels do not have wings. Angels are our heavenly brothers and sisters that were not yet given the chance to come here to Earth or they have just simply chosen to remain there, in the presence of our Father.

But some angels are destined to come here on Earth. To be with another soul. Yes. Angels don't have wings. Most of the walk. Pass us by. Wonderful beings who are always there when we need them. They always bump into us when we least expect them to. Some of them even use mobile phones just to talk with us. Each person has an angel destined to be with them for all eternity.

Angels give a kind of love that can never be matched by another. Each angel is a puzzle piece that will only fit to one, and I mean only one, person's hand.

I just recently talked with a friend. Her boyfriend just broke up with her, for reasons that are too shallow to understand. I know how she feels. She thought she met an angel, but then again, she just met a lonely soul, wanting a temporary high.

How do you know if you've already met an angel?

When you feel inspired? When you feel in love? When you feel like smiling? When you laugh? When you cry? Nope. Its when you can't describe what you feel. It's like remembering something that you never knew before. It's like having to dance with the wind. Kissing a hand that you miss so much. Hugging someone, and then you noticed that he doesn't have wings...

Yeah...


Hugging someone, and then you noticed that he doesn't have wings...


I think that's how it feels... And that is also the reason why I believe and think that angels do not have wings...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

äventyr på en bra pojke ( a blog )

I've been reading this blog for the past few weeks and to tell you the truth, it helped me sooooooooooo much when it comes to topics of emotions and love. It helps me think. And think. Reevaluate. Think again. Smile. Hindi lang pala ako ang medyo emo at dramatic. It's nice to read that you're not the only who's going through these things. I am thankful that I was able to read that blog. It gave me a new perspective. New things to think about. Reassess my self, and also how to value one's worth. Salamat. This very short entry would be my thanks to a person that I barely know. Person? I dunno. Maybe a voice lang. More like words pala. I dont know if he will be reading this or not but I'm gonna type this anyways. Thank you very much. With all sincerity. You are more than a bra pojke. 


Tack så mycket....

Detta fick mig att skratta! (this made me laugh!)

Close Up's the freshest talaga for me! LOL!

AHAHAHAHAHA!


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Jag Känsla Bra (I'm feeling good)

Finally, after so many months of hoping that he will come back, I got over him na. We're not really meant for each other anyway. It's about time that I realized that. Super nakakapagod. Ako lang naman ang pumipilit sa sarili ko eh. Anyways, I am feeling good. I still think about him though, but not that much. I try to text him but then I can control myself na. I keep myself from doing it. Maybe one day, I'll have the courage to see him. Somewhere. Di ko pa kaya ngayon. I'm not mad at him anymore. Everything happens for a reason naman eh. Maybe God wants me to realize that I should prepare myself pa. I'm still a boy. I was not yet ready for a relationship. Maybe a few youth experiments would be fine. ( XP )

I would like to thank Nate, Chuck and Pojke. They had impacted me, in some sort of weird and wonderful way. I had fun. Seriously though, I wish I could have known these guys much better. You guys are really interesting. You made me laugh. Made me cry. (Lalo ka na, Nate. Tae ka.) (Joke lang) You made me horny. At times. You made me feel good. Or even made me fall in love.

There are some things that I could never really get back, once I've lost them. Hopefully, that could only be applied to things. Sayang naman kung pati mga tao, hindi mo na pwede balikan. Okay. Right now, I'm just a friend to these guys. Wala nang expectations. I should keep my distance though.

Sabi sa akin ng officemate ko, if what you felt for that person is really love, then after you break up, you would want to keep distance from them. Awkward na daw kasi. I dunno. Maybe she's right. 








I'm still 20 years old. I should be in no hurry. There are a lot of guys there that are willing to be with me. I just have to wait for them. Maybe, dadating din si Mr. Right. For the mean time, i-e-enjoy ko muna ang pagiging single at independent. I'm not really looking for a relationship now. But I'm willing to meet guys out there. I just don't know where to begin. Saan kaya? Hhhhmmmm.... At paano? Ang hirap naman nito....

Anyways, maybe one day, I can start all over again with these guys... And I wish they would really show who they are....




*****     ***     C*******      - Ingat ka palagi ha! Hindi pa kita kaya harapin. Nacu-cute-an pa din kasi ako sayo eh. Hahahahaha! Next time na lang. Kapag wala na talaga akong feelings for you... Goodluck on finding your soulmate ha! Madami ka na yatang napaiyak na guys eh! Loko ka! (Sabay yakap ng mahigpit!)

****    ********    ***    C*****    - Ikaw din ha! Wag mo pabayaan ang partner mo! Mahal ka nyan. At wag mo sya lolokohin! I have to tell you something though. Awkward pa din kapag nagkakasalubong tayo sa hallway or lobby. Hehehe. At hindi bagay sayo ang magpa-kalbo, okay? hehehe

******    ******    C******   - Ikaw na yata ang pinakamalibog sa tatlong guys na nakasama ko. Pero okay lang. Ikaw ang pinaka-hot eh. Hahaha! At mag-ingat ka sa mga pino-post mo sa internet ha! Nagkalat na ang scandal mo! (Joke lang!) See you when I come back to school! Sigaw ka lang at kembot pa ha! Hehehe!




My soulmate - Ingat ka palagi ha. Mahal na mahal kita. I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect guy for you pero thanks for being there and accepting me for who I am. Cheesy ako, right? Basta, we can make it. I know that these challenges and barriers  will only make our relationship last longer. I love you. I'm always gonna be in love with you. See you tonight! (Kung sino ka man, I hope I wouldn't meet you too soon..... let's take our time muna....)




*****    ****   M****** - I am Gaspard



XP

Allting (Everything)


Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you

You are the light
That is leading me
To the place where
I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You are everything

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this

You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won’t let me fall
You still my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper now

And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this

‘Cause you’re all I want
You are all I need
You are everything
Everything

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Förbittring (Resentment)

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie