Sunday, May 30, 2010


This entry would be about scandals. Yeah. The one you see on Youtube, mobile phones and other websites that I don't even dare enter. Bata pa po kasi ako eh! (weh?) Anyways, I don't even get why they are called scandals. Naughty videos would be much more appropriate! Hahaha! Ang corny naman! Sige na nga. Let's just use the word "scandal".

So kanino tayo mag-start?

Oh yeah! Let's start with Pojke! This guy loves sex. Period. I remember him sending me naked pictures of himself and "videos". I think he sends a different one every other day. Ang tindi nga nun eh. Ayoko naman ng guy na puro sex lang ang nasa utak so lumayo na din ako sa kanya. We still do text sometimes pero when the topic's about sex na, I tell him I feel uneasy and we skip that. Then he would stop replying na. Hahaha! Going back, he tells me that he would upload his videos over some websites or he would even trade videos with some other guys. He got careless nga one time eh. There was a time he sent a video to this guy he barely knows. And you can see Pojke's face in that video. Yung tipong makikilala mo kung sino yung may ginagawang himala.  That guy posted that video on a website. Ang ending? Maraming nakakuha ng video ni Pojke na supposedly ay para lang sa guy na yun. Lesson? Wag gumawa ng video na kita ang mukha mo. hahahahaha! I think I would post his video here one time. Hhhhmmmm....

And then there is Beau. During my second month in our office, someone spread a gossip that Beau has a "scandal" on Youtube. Weh? Di nga? Of course he denied that it was him. I wasn't able to watch the video at all but according to rumors, it was a video of him, naked, dancing in front of guys. And yes, he denied that it was him. That rumor spread like fire in our office. Few days passed and that video was removed. Hmmm. Was that really him? I may never know. And then just recently, a nude pic had surfaced! This time, I saw that picture. It was a guy lying in bed and showing his butt. I know it was not him pero SOBRANG KAMUKHA nya yung guy in that photo. I was actually shocked when I saw it kasi pati ako naloko! Good boy naman (yata) si Beau eh....

How about Nate? I think he has pictures or videos posted somewhere in cyber space but I have yet to find one. Or maybe he doesn't? Hahahaha! Nate is a naughty boy din eh. Lol!

Chuck! Same like Nate. Maybe he has, maybe he doesn't. Hmmm....

And if you're gonna ask if I have one, I won't answer it. You can assume that I have one somewhere in cyber space. But you can also say that I may be a type of guy you wouldn't think of or dare to make a "video". You will never know! Bwahaha! Evil laugh!

Now I have this question. Why do people take videos of themselves doing it? Is it more thrilling? Kinky? Exciting? I have yet to find that out! Hahaha!

Ooooopppppssss! Sorry! I should be behaving properly pala muna. Hahaha!


I seriously can't think of a title. I don't even know what to write in this entry. Oh yeah. I had been super busy pala for the past few days so that's why ngayon lang ulit ako makakapagsulat ulit ng kalokohan. At sa super ka-epalan ko, bumigay na ang aking immune system. Hahaha! I was supposed to have a shooting for an iced tea commercial nga eh pero I got sick. I could barely stand up nga eh. I thought I was gonna be rushed to the hospital nga eh kasi nagdidilim ang paningin ko pero thankfully, hindi naman natuloy. And I admit na takot ako sa mga doctor kaya ayoko din ma-hospitalize.

Updates on love? None. I stopped overthinking na din. Eventhough Beau still does weird but wonderful things (wink wink), hindi ko na lang pinapansin. He was just being a good friend..... Okay! Fine! I think I have a crush on him na! Kasi naman eh! Pero I'll just let him do his moves. He looks even better when he does something that I don't even expect him to.

I'll go back to studying foreign languages na nga pala ulit. My next goal is to speak a bit of Portuguese. I was watching ABS-CBN's Showtime when I heard of how Priscilla talks. I fell in love with her instantly. There's always something about how Brazilians talk that makes me weak on the knees. I love their accent. And oh yeah.... I have a crush on Fabio Ide na din. Hahaha!

Mon Dieu! I feel like a little schoolboy (schoolgirl??? hahaha) na first time magka-crush! Hahaha!

Anyways, there's nothing interesting going on. I haven't been able to go out frequently because, again, of my regular work schedule. But I hope this will change. I think I know this will change. My parents will do something about it. Sigh. I'll explain this in the next blog entry.

I miss going out with my highschool friends....

I feel like I'm sooo detached from the world today. Maybe because I barely read the papers and I don't even bother to watch the news....

So what am I supposed to do? I can't balance my work life and my social life. Blah blah blah....

No more updates! Next entry!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

En Uppdatering (An Update)

I told you in my previous entry that Beau's birthday is coming, right? Well, this is what happened on his birthday! This entry is gonna be short kasi nothing amazing happened naman eh...

Anyways, A lot of people greeted Beau on his birthday because a lot of them has a crush on him. Those bitches. Just kidding! Going back, me and my officemates went to our gameroom where an officemate and Beau started playing fooseball. Obviously, I was secretly cheering for Beau! Hahaha! I would jump a little whenever he scores! (Hahaha! Ang landi lang! Imagine a 5'11'' tall guy with broad shoulders do that!)

So they were playing that mini-football game when the ball got stuck in the middle of the table. I dunno what came into me but I decided to get that ball, but then Beau moved his playing rod (I dunno if that is the right term pero you'll get the point naman eh. Hopefully.) Syempre, natamaan ang aking thumb and it hurt. Badly. This is the kilig part. Beau grabbed my hand massaged my finger and hand. Sweet. "Masakit pa ba? Sorry ha!". "Okay lang! Wala yun!"

I was stunned. I sat on a bean bag. I felt my that my knees are very weak. Joke lang. Maghapon na kasi akong nakatayo. Then our boss came into the game room then gave a small chocolate/caramel cake to Beau. Imagine this. We are at least 20 in the room, including a girl that he has been making ligaw to since he started working there. When he got his cake out of the small box, he looked directly at me then said "You want?". I was like "Hoy, lingon ka lang sa kaliwa mo! Nandun yung crush mo oh!". Syempre, I said yes to his offer. He walked straight to me. I was still on the bean bag. On the floor. Guess what. Sinubuan nya ako ng cake. And he used the same fork to eat a piece of his cake. He did that while looking at me straight in the eye. He's just being friendly lang.... Hahahaha!

We decided to treat Beau to a movie. He asked me to sit beside him. Uhhmmm. Okay. Pero no touching or grinding happened sa theatre na yun. Mahirap na. Kasama namin mga officemates namin eh. Pero I think he was just being friendly lang naman eh.


WUSHU! Ang sarap nya naman maging friend! Hahaha!

I think this is gonna be one of the many updates that will be posted here on my blog...

Is he gonna be the one?

I dunno! I'm crossing my fingers!


By the way, nothing amazing happened naman on his birthday, diba? Hahaha!

Hur? (How to?)

I don't know what's wrong with me but I dunno how to approach people, or meeting new people, specially with guys. In other words, I dont know how to pick up or get picked up by guys. By the way, it drives me insane when I do have the chance then I would just chicken out. I'm always super nervous, specially when someone, a cute guy for example, is about to approach/want to meet me, I would just walk away without making any eye contact. Sometimes, I would even run like I'm late for something important. Then I would just realize that I'm such a wimp at this "game". I don't know if this is just normal for discreet gay guys like me.

This has happened to me on several occasions na. Each time someone wants to introduce themselves or would want to get my number, I would just pretend like there is something wrong with what I'm wearing,/eating,/drinking,/thinking(?!?!) that would always prompt me to go to the bathroom or comfort room. Immediately. I know I sound weird.

It's not because I'm not that good looking ( uhmm... I wouldn't even dare to model if I'm not handsome) (batukan nyo ako kasi mayabang na naman ako! hahaha!) or approachable (I'm super friendly kaya!). It's just that I'm super shy. Lalo na sa mga taong kakakilala ko pa lang. My friends even tell me that eventhough I'm cute and has boyish charms (LOL), only a few people will have the courage to approach me because most would think like I'm a snob or someone who is antisocial.

One time, I went to a go see for a fashion show. It's for a well known brand here in the Philippines. I sensed that this cute guy is gay. But he is super manly kumilos. You'll know naman eh if you have a gaydar! (I'll tell you how I acquired that sense in a little while.) He was always smiling at me. Staring. Natutunaw nga ako eh. Anyways, we were sitting in line when he started to walk towards me. Suddenly, I got up, walked to the nearest snack stall, bought a drink, sipped and looked at him from the corner of my eye. He's still walking towards me! (I changed directions nga eh!) Since I was uber nervous, I went to the comfort room, pretended to prep up since I was about to meet the casters. He came inside, said "hi" to me. I just said "hello" then went back to the line! Jumping Jupiter! @#$!#! Another possible cute-guy-encounter wasted! I'm soooo bad at this!

I just hope I'l have enough confidence to approach guys. Soon. Waaah!

Oh! By the way, this is how my friend "taught" me how a gaydar works.... She's very good at teaching me weird things nga pala! HAHAHA!

Friend: Gaspard, do you have a gaydar?

Me: huh? A what? (confused with the new word that I have learned)

Friend: A feeling that tells you if someone is gay or not?!?!?

Me: Ahhh.. I see. How does that work?

Friend: Let's walk. But go ahead. Be ahead like 2 yeards from me. I'll just follow you. I'll be counting the guys who will stare or take a second look at you. Then we'll find out which ones are gay.

Me: Let's go! Hahahaha!

From then on, my friend and I will always do that game whenever we go out I think the most that we've counted on a single stroll was 21 or 22. Nice...

But let's go back to my situation.

Nahihirapan ako sa ganito! Sadyang snob ba talaga ako? I know I'm just super shy... Or maybe because I'm afraid of rejection? Or worse, a punch in the face? (hahaha)... I dunno. I hope someone will teach me how to play this "game". (Pwede ba ituro sa school ito? How to be picked up or pick up a guy? LOL) (Kung pwede, I'll write my name on the top of the registration list!!!!)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Skulle Jag Göra Något Nu? (Should I Do Something Now?)

I think I'm just overthinking. I hope I am. Hahaha! I've blogged about him before eh. I gave him the name "Beau" for various reasons. Funny ones, of course! LOL. Anyways, the acts of weirdness continues.

I was born in a year that it's cool to give your children two names. Like Fernando Jose or Jose Carlos. You get the idea. Well. I have two names and I prefer to be called by my second name kasi I have a lot of kapangngalan sa office, work etc... Kapag 2nd name, ako lang. Unique eh. hahahah! Anyways, just recently, he started calling me by my first name just to irritate me. Hhhhhmmmm.... Nanglalambing? LOL!

There were times that when he talks to me, he would place his hand on my lap or grab my wrist. This happened several times na. He wasn't doing that before. Maybe he was just being comfortable kasi nga we were officemates na for some months na. (?)

He would also treat me out! I'm a sucker for ice cream eh. When he found that out, when he's gonna buy something outside our office and I'm gonna go with him, he would always ask me if I want one. When I say yes naman, he would give me one! Another hhhhhmmmmm.....

Here's another one. Me and my officemates, including him, decided that since it's our off the following day, we're gonna go out and have a karaoke night at our boss' house. It was fun. But then its kinda hot. SUPER HOT pala. Literally. Parang nasa loob ka lang ng oven. So he asked me to go outside with him, since my other officemates were busy singing and drinking. Then when we're outside na, he suddenly took his shirt off!?!? I was like, whatda! He's hot kasi eh. Hahaha! Effect ng taekwondo. So I pretended to be casual lang. So we were talking about stuff lang. Then there were REALLY awkward times na we would stop talking then sabay ulit magsasalita. Corny. We went back inside after a few minutes. It's our turn to sing na din naman eh. Hahaha! And since I don't drink, I stuffed myself with tons of spaghetti!

We sat on opposite sides of my boss' living room. Then I would see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. He was smiling like he's thinking of something that he wants me to know. When I stared back at him with an expression na "bakit ka nakatingin?" (of course pa-cute din ako.LOL), he just said "wala lang".

Earlier this morning, he texted me. I think it was a group message to all of my officemates. I think. It says "There may be harm in risking, but remember that there can also be regrets in doing nothing." Uhmmmm.... Is he saying na I should so something na kasi he's giving me tons of hints na? Or am I just overthinking... Maybe he was just being friendly.

Tama! He's just being friendly! HE'S JUST BEING FRIENDLY...

I hope not. Hehehehe (EVIL LAUGH!)

Should I do something? Should I do the things that he's doing? Should I ask him? By the way, I dunno if he's gay or not.... I think it's gonna be awkward if I asked him if he's gay or not. He might say na he's not. And if that happens, patay tayo dyan. Sige na nga. Let him make his moves (if he really is doing something... hahahaha).

Beau, you're giving me a headache. Naguguluhan ako eh. Are you or are you not?

Oh! I forgot! You're being friendly lang pala! Hahaha!

And it's almost his birthday na pala! Should I give him something? Hhhmmmm....

Sunday, May 9, 2010

något att minnas (something to remember)

Let's say for example, you just got out of a long term relationship. You guys broke up. And let's say na you stayed with him or her for like more than 3 years. Will you be able to still remember who you are as a person during the time that you were still single and independent?

Just a random thought...

de tio saker du behöver veta (the ten things you need to know)

This entry was originally created on the 19th of December 2009. I don't know why I haven't published it yet, which is kinda weird because when I'm done typing something, I publish it right away. (And that is also one reason, I think, that I have a lot of errors and typos on my entries because I never read them or edit them.)


Ten Things that I think You Should Know About Nate

1. If he says he likes/loves you, he really means it. He will make you feel it naman eh.
2. He is very seloso so choose the stories that you're gonna tell him. (evil laugh!) (But sometimes do make him selos kasi he looks soooo darn funny and cute when he's on "selos mode".)
3. Always try to do something sweet  for him because he appreciates even the smallest things that you do.
4. When he needs attention, he sometimes tend to nag. (which is cute :D)
5. He is always stressed out. Try to say that you love him and make him feel it or give him a warm hug whenever you can... this will somehow make him smile.
6. Kiss him on the lips like its the first time you kissed somebody. Sparks will always fly.
7. When he asks you how are you, don't just tell him na okay lang. He won't like that. The type of conversations that you have with another person determines your relationship with one another. Communicate.
8. When he is uber busy, instead of him finding time for you, try to adjust to his schedule (even if you have to wait for hours... but the wait is really worth it. Trust me.)
9. He likes it when you look good, neat and presentable. (Shouldn't everyone?)
10. Walk with him until you know he's safe to ride a bus/cab to home/condo unit. Walking with him will feel like you can walk forever.

But I think the eleventh thing is the one that I really like.

His eyes looks best when he doesn't wear his glasses. Through his eyes, you'll know he is a good guy.


After reading that list, I really cannot remember how I fell in love with Nate. Maybe it was so fast I barely noticed that I already fell.

Just like what I've told you at the beginning of this entry, I really don't know the exact reason why I didn't publish this after typing this list. Maybe because I wasn't ready to give up on my love for him? That I needed more time before I could "give him away"? I forgot the reason why... Oh well. It doesn't really matter now. If this entry really WAS IMPORTANT, then maybe I could have remembered to post it right away (or last year or earlier this year) and not just this May.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mycket gripande och nostalgisk (touching and nostalgic)

"Kahit na hindi din naging kami sa huli, siya pa din ang first love ko..."

That's how important you are to me. See you around! XP

Visningar (Impressions)

Don't read this if you don't want to waste your time. I'm serious.

People tend to judge you by just the way you look. People somehow have a way of criticizing you like they are the most perfect human beings in the whole world. Syempre, isa na ako sa mga taong ganun. (Kung napangiti ka, wag ka magmalinis. You do say some bad things to other people sometimes, right?)

My parents always tells us to look presentable because you'll never know who you're gonna meet. May sense nga naman. You always have to look your best. You don't have to look soooo fashionable. As long as you look neat or clean, okay na yun!

But sometimes, if you're one of the good looking ones, people will also judge you.

I had an officemate and a lot of people dislike him because of the way he talks with our coworkers or the way he comments about stuff.

I remember an instance when he commented on me. Another officemate was telling a joke while we were eating lunch. I pretended that I didn't get it because I thought it would be funnier. Then all of a sudden, he told me "buti na lang you're good looking".

Okay. I think that was kinda below the belt.

I know I'm not stupid naman! Waaah! Then memories of school all came flooding down! I graduated as a valedictorian when I was in elementary. I was an academic scholar when I was high school and I'm one of the best students in our class when I was in college! huhuhuh! Hindi ako makapapayag nyan!

Well, anyways, pinalampas ko na lang. On the bright side, sabi nya naman na good looking ako eh. HAHAHAHA!


This entry is listed under "nonsense"

Fick För Att Fånga Dem Alla (Gotta Catch 'em All!) with pictures!

I went through my stuff. My room is too cluttered already. I think a rat family already did inside. Joke lang. Hindi naman. Pero super messy na talaga. And since I'm a very good boy (at bibigyan ako ni Mama ng favorite kong ice cream), I cleaned my room.

Don't get me wrong. I'm usually very neat and I hate being messy and disorganized.

And so I was cleaning my room. Then all of sudden, I saw the thing that kept me alive starting from elementary to highschool (pero maybe up until college?) At ito ang aking Pokemon collection!

WAAAAHHH! Parang feeling ko lalo akong bumata. I went through my Pokemon collection like I was 10 years old again.

This is what I have collected, and I think this was the first time that I really kept track of what I had in that collection...

1. Trading cards (3 boxes)
2. More trading cards (this time, in packs and some of them are still unopened)
3. Pikachu na salbabida
4. Pikachu coin bank
5. wallets
6. key chains
7. original stickers from Japan (which can no longer be found in malls)
8. action figures
10. posters
11. drawings and manga books
12. limited edition pens, sharpeners, scissors, erasers... etc (Patay sila dyan! Pati school supplies ko Pokemon!!!)
13. Bed sheets and pillow cases
14. Pokeballs (para feeling Pokemon trainer)
15. CDs / Pokemon Soundtracks
16. VCDs of Pokemon movies (and because I'm cheap, those were pirated)
17. pillows
18. more action figures
19. Pokemon song lyrics
20. picture of me when I was young (taken last year? hahahahahah!)

I didn't know that I accumulated so much Pokemon stuff na pala. Those were my friends when I was young. I used to play with them. They kept me company when I'm bored. They scared the monsters under my bed and my closet. When I feel sad, I used to sing their songs and then I feel good again. My dream job before was to be a Pokemon trainer. But obviously, hindi naman talaga mangyayari yun... wala kayang Pokemon trainer certification center! So malabo talagang maging trainer ako... haaaaaaaayyyy.... Up to now, I still don't know tuloy if I even matured or not...

Siguro if someone asked me to described myself in three words, I would say "tall, handsome and acts like a ten year old" (hindi pala 3 words yan...hehehe)

I still love my Pokemon stuff. I don't know if there will ever come a time that I will give them away. I remember my Dad telling that if I don't do house chores, he would tell me that he would throw my collection away.... at kapag sinabi na yun, nako mas mabilis pa ako sa alas kwatro kumilos.... mahirap na! Baka nga itapon.

And I think this was also a time that I realized that I was REALLY SPOILED when I was younger. Times have changed naman. Mas naging spoiled ako. HAHAHAHA! Joke lang!

A good friend of mine told me that growing old is necessary BUT GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL!


And I finished cleaning my room while singing Pokemon songs! Gotta catch 'em all POKEMON!

(Here's a picture of one of my balls. I have three of them. LOL)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hans Födelsedag (His Birthday)

Tomorrow is gonna be Nate's birthday. I kept note of his birthday when he showed me his passport last year. Well, this is what happened. I have been searching for a nice present to give. I was thinking of buying a book for him but then I remembered that he doesn't really have the time to read books anymore (tamad kasi magbasa ng libro!). Anyways, I have looked everywhere... as in everywhere... to find him a suitable gift. I started off with the mall near our house, then Alabang Town Center (with the help of a good friend), then went to SM Mall of Asia, then Glorietta and finally Greenbelt.

I remembered something that really made me smile. It was a book called "The Book of Answers". You would have to think of a closed ended question then flip the pages of the book then STOP. And voila! There is your answer. It was kinda funny for me. I had fun flipping through its pages. I first saw that book at the mall near our house. Nung gusto ko na sya balikan, sabi na lang sa akin ni Ate sa National Bookstore "wala na po. awtopistak na po". So I just thought maybe some other malls might still have that book. But I was wrong. BIG TIME.

Effort talaga! I had to go from one bookstore to another to find that book! And I was lucky when I went to Ayala. The Powerbooks at Greenbelt had a copy. Their one last soft bound copy. Was I supposed to give this to Nate? I just had to try the book first.

Was I supposed to give this to Nate?

Trust your intuition.

Was I supposed to give this to Nate?

Of course.

After five minutes of flipping through its pages for any tear on a page or dirty fingerprints, I decided to buy it! I went back home tired but super happy because I was able to get the last copy of that book! I was hoping to buy one for myself nga eh pero niregalo ko na lang. Oh well. I hope the next batch of books will arrive soon.

After that, I remembered (again) a cake that we shared before. It was supposed to be soooo good it's practically orgasmic. Nice. So I bought one too!

Right after work, I have texted him right away so that I can give those to him. It feels kinda weird. I dunno. Maybe its kinda weird talking to him again after ignoring him or getting rid of him from my mind for almost a month. One blogger did not greet his ex a happy birthday personally. Yes. I think it is his way of just moving on. I think he chose to do the right thing. But I also think that by choosing to greet and give a present to Nate on his birthday (technically, a day before his birthday), is also a good thing. Friends do greet each other when they have birthdays, right?

After talking to him for just a few minutes, I had to go home na din. I still feel tired. Actually, while I was waiting for him, I kept on falling asleep in our office! Hahaha! I left that present inside his bag with a big smile plastered on my face. Fulfillment. I hope this will be the start of a real friendship? Bromance? Let's see what happens. Maybe God destined us to be just friends than be lovers. Maybe we'll stay longer with each other if we're just friends.


Grattis till dig, grattis till dig, grattis till dig! Matanda ka na, Kuya Nate! Hahaha!