I don't know what's wrong with me but I dunno how to approach people, or meeting new people, specially with guys. In other words, I dont know how to pick up or get picked up by guys. By the way, it drives me insane when I do have the chance then I would just chicken out. I'm always super nervous, specially when someone, a cute guy for example, is about to approach/want to meet me, I would just walk away without making any eye contact. Sometimes, I would even run like I'm late for something important. Then I would just realize that I'm such a wimp at this "game". I don't know if this is just normal for discreet gay guys like me.
This has happened to me on several occasions na. Each time someone wants to introduce themselves or would want to get my number, I would just pretend like there is something wrong with what I'm wearing,/eating,/drinking,/thinking(?!?!) that would always prompt me to go to the bathroom or comfort room. Immediately. I know I sound weird.
It's not because I'm not that good looking ( uhmm... I wouldn't even dare to model if I'm not handsome) (batukan nyo ako kasi mayabang na naman ako! hahaha!) or approachable (I'm super friendly kaya!). It's just that I'm super shy. Lalo na sa mga taong kakakilala ko pa lang. My friends even tell me that eventhough I'm cute and has boyish charms (LOL), only a few people will have the courage to approach me because most would think like I'm a snob or someone who is antisocial.
One time, I went to a go see for a fashion show. It's for a well known brand here in the Philippines. I sensed that this cute guy is gay. But he is super manly kumilos. You'll know naman eh if you have a gaydar! (I'll tell you how I acquired that sense in a little while.) He was always smiling at me. Staring. Natutunaw nga ako eh. Anyways, we were sitting in line when he started to walk towards me. Suddenly, I got up, walked to the nearest snack stall, bought a drink, sipped and looked at him from the corner of my eye. He's still walking towards me! (I changed directions nga eh!) Since I was uber nervous, I went to the comfort room, pretended to prep up since I was about to meet the casters. He came inside, said "hi" to me. I just said "hello" then went back to the line! Jumping Jupiter! @#$!#! Another possible cute-guy-encounter wasted! I'm soooo bad at this!
I just hope I'l have enough confidence to approach guys. Soon. Waaah!
Oh! By the way, this is how my friend "taught" me how a gaydar works.... She's very good at teaching me weird things nga pala! HAHAHA!
Friend: Gaspard, do you have a gaydar?
Me: huh? A what? (confused with the new word that I have learned)
Friend: A feeling that tells you if someone is gay or not?!?!?
Me: Ahhh.. I see. How does that work?
Friend: Let's walk. But go ahead. Be ahead like 2 yeards from me. I'll just follow you. I'll be counting the guys who will stare or take a second look at you. Then we'll find out which ones are gay.
Me: Let's go! Hahahaha!
From then on, my friend and I will always do that game whenever we go out I think the most that we've counted on a single stroll was 21 or 22. Nice...
But let's go back to my situation.
Nahihirapan ako sa ganito! Sadyang snob ba talaga ako? I know I'm just super shy... Or maybe because I'm afraid of rejection? Or worse, a punch in the face? (hahaha)... I dunno. I hope someone will teach me how to play this "game". (Pwede ba ituro sa school ito? How to be picked up or pick up a guy? LOL) (Kung pwede, I'll write my name on the top of the registration list!!!!)