Tuesday, July 6, 2010

En Ursäkt (An Apology)

I am really sorry. I have been obviously avoiding you. After work, I go straight out of the office. I don't wanna bump into you at all. It's not because of something you did. I'm just not ready to meet you face to face. Because if I do, I'll see another reason to fall. I know this has been months na. I shouldn't be doing this at all. I know that there is really something wrong with me. I am emotionally unstable (hahaha).

I sincerely apologize for deliberately not replying to some of your text messages. I'm sorry that if I do reply, either its super late or it seems like I don't even feel like talking to you at all. But honestly, I would love to talk to you again, but I don't think I can do that now. Each time you text me, I actually think over and over and over if I'll reply or not, kaya nga if I do reply, super late na. I'm not ready to start a conversation yet.

I'm doing this to give myself time to get over you. So far, I think this is the most effective way of forgetting how I feel for you. Maybe in time, I'll be a real friend to you.

But you know what? I appreciate every little thing that you do. I was kinda surprised that you texted me at 2:30 in the morning. You told me to always take care and be a good boy. I replied as casually as possible pero kung alam mo lang... that simple message meant a lot to me eventhough that message is just ten words long. Sorry that I have to shun you away. I know you'll do great even without my existence.

Next month is gonna be August. It's almost gonna be a year since the day that I met you. It was August 7 of last year that my life started to change. Sigh. If I feel lonely and I wish that you're beside me, I just close my eyes or look at your pictures stored inside my phone. I just smile then think of happy memories. That habit, I know, will soon end. Slowly, I am getting rid of things that remind me of the "thing" that we had. That's why I had to do this. I already lost you last year. I don't want to lose you as a friend because of what's going inside my head.

I am giving myself one complete month. And I hope that if I get to meet you by the seventh of next month, expect that I have completely changed. And that I can smile straight to your eyes like a real friend. I'm giving myself 30 more days to complete this change.

I am sorry that I'll be disappearing temporarily. I know this won't affect you that much anyways eh. I'm just telling you, so that you'll know. Again, I'm sorry. Goodbye for the mean time. I hope to see you next month.

Now, my countdown begins. It was nice falling in love with you. Take care.

No comments: