Tuesday, November 23, 2010

förtroende frågor (trust issues)

This one is waaaaayyy overdue na. This happened on the 13th. I dunno what came into me. Maybe my senses. Hahaha. Anyways, you be the judge.

It started right after we had lunch sa Glorietta. Sa isang fastfood chain. Syempre nabusog na naman ako. At kapag busog ako, kung ano ano ang naiisip ko. Nakita pa nga kami ng co-workers ko eh.

I was kinda surprised kasi nakilala pa ako nung mga co-workers ko na yun. Alam ko kung ano ang naiisip nung mga mokong na yun..." Uyyyyy...si Gaspard, may date...."

Anyways, this entry will be kinda serious..and not that long...

The following are exchange of messages between Luch and I.

I was asking him if he's faithful to "us" na... And I told him that I have eyes and that kapag niloko nya ako, malilintikan sya sa akin....

When I took the bus going south, I texted him that I enjoyed lunch with him and mag-ingat sya...He was gonna meet his other boyfriend eh. He didnt reply.

I was texting him for like dozens of times na and hes not replying. Na-bad trip yata sa ginawa ko.

Gaspard: Where are you na?

Luch:  U have "eyes" dba? Use them.

Gaspard: Please?

Luch: Nah... Ask your so called "eyes".

Gaspard: My "eyes" dont work if theyre not in front of the computer.

Luch: Whatever.

Gaspard: Sorry na Luch.

Luch: Sorry is just a word for you. It has no meaning na everytime you say it.

Gaspard: The 1st time we met, I asked you kung may nalalaman yung bf mo sa mga ginagawa mo. You answered na wala kasi magaling ka magtago. I know you told Joe na you'll be faithful to him. That he's the only one in your life. Look what happened when you and I met. I think you now have an idea why its hard for me to trust you na you're not looking at other guys. If you can do it to someone you love in all those 4 years, ano pa kaya sa akin na kakakilala mo pa lang? Make me trust you. Please. Because I dont wanna lose you. Make me believe you. Im really in love with you and I cant bear the idea that you're still seeing someone else. Please tell me what should I do to get over to paranoia.

Luch: I dont know.

Gaspard: See. Pati ikaw hindi mo masagot. Thats why Im always like this. I know Im shallow and close minded. I just cant bear to think that youre with another person. I love you so much and Im willing to sacrifice a lot. All I need is something that will tell me that "Luch is being faithful" or "Luch is behaving the way he should". And that you've changed. I cant find that thing yet if your actions contradict what youre saying. So please make me believe you. Make me trust you.

Luch: I dont know.

Gaspard: Youre breaking my heart right now by saying that you dont know how to prove yourself to me. I love you Luch. Mahal kita ng sobra sobra. I hope you can answer y question soon. Please.

Luch: Isip mo yan. Not mine. Pareho kayo ni Joe. You both think na malandi ako. Well, kaya siguro ako naging ganun dati kasi ganun sya mag-isip sa akin. Pinanindigan ko na lang.

Gaspard: Joe is an entirely different person from me. If he though of you that way, at tinotoo mo lang, Im asking you to be faithful. To be loyal. Sa una pa lang, talo na ako. Pero pinasok ko ito kasi mahal na kita. I met you when youre being unfaithful. Please change for me. I really wanted to be the one who could change you. Remember you told me na wala ka pang partner na nakapagpatino sayo? Im praying na ako na talaga yun. From now on, Im gonna shut up and not talk about this. But please I hope you can answer my question soon. Ayokong mawala ka Luch.

Luch: Ayaw mo akong mawala? Then wag mo ako pag-isipan ng masama! Kung ganon man tayo nag-start, I told you naman na kayong na lang 2 diba? Ano problema mo?

Gaspard: This will be the last time Im gonna be like this. I'll believe you and I'll take your word for it. But I just have to tell you this. If there's gonna be just one instance that I found out you're cheating on me, Im out. Thanks for somehow answering my question. Hindi na ako mag-iisip ng masama sayo. You can think of a consequence kung magdududa pa ako sayo. Im willing to take any punishment.

Luch: Kapag na feel ko again na ang tingin mo sa akin ay pokpok na pumapatl kahit kanino, wala ka nang maririnig sa akin. Ako, never ko ikaw pinag-isipan ng ganun, even kay Joe. Never ko naisip na cheap kayo na guys. Hindi mo alam ang feeling na ang tingin sayo ay slut!

Gaspard: Im fine with that Luch. Sorry if I made you feel this way. At least you can now see things from my perspective. I've learned new thing from you. I hope you'll understand how it feels to be in my position. Im gonna shut up now. I wont bring this up anymore. Again, sorry Luch.

Luch: Whats next Gaspard? Ano ang next na drama mo? Hindi na ako natutuwa ha.

Gaspard: Wala na Luch. I just hope this will make us stronger. Dont leave me.

Luch: Hindi ako nang-iiwan ng bf unless pagod na ako...Wag mo hayaang ma-feel ko sayo yun.

Gaspard: Binigyan mo na ako ng last warning eh. Hindi ko na papaabutin sa ganon. Mahal na mahal kita Luch.

Luch: I hope so nga...Matulog ka na.

Gaspard: I have one last favor to ask of you Luch.

Luch: Ano?

Gaspard: Sabihin mo naman sa akin na mahal mo pa din ako, kahit na shallow ako, retarded, close minded at paranoid. And that you can accept my flaws. I love you Luch.

Luch: Kahit naman ganon ka, I love you pero please change...Matulog ka na nga!

Gaspard: I will Luch. Kung gutom at pagda-diet natitiis ko na eh. Promise me we'll be together when we're changing. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita bebeboy ko....

Luch: Wag ka na magduda please...Swear wala na ako time for other guys pa. Mahal na mahal kita...Happy na ako sa inyo ni Joe..

Gaspard: Hindi na talaga Luch. Im not gonna raise this issue anymore. I get your last warning. I promise I'll change. Luch, mahal na mahal din kita...

Luch: Please change kasi ako, I changed na the day we met...

Gaspard: I believe you Luch. Sorry if Im like this pero sana nakuha mo yung point ko kanina, kung ikaw ang nasa position ko... hindi na kita pagdududahan. I promise I will change na. Ayoko mawala ka.

Luch: I trust and believe you naman...sana ikaw din.

Gaspard: I hope youre still with me while im changing ha. You dont know how much I care and love you. I just cant bear the idea na iiwanan mo ako. Basta I'll change na :)

Luch: Oo naman. Magkasama tayo.

Gaspard: Wait lang. May aayusin lang ako...

Luch: Mahal na mahal na mahal kita Gaspard...

Gaspard: I just died. Hehehe. Love you too Luch ko. Text kita in a bit.

Luch: Wag ka muna mamatay...magsasama pa tayo forever...

Gaspard: Thats sweet. Nilalanggam ako dito. Hahahaha...Basta our last warning sa isat isa ay malinaw....Hindi na mauulit..

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Alam ko nakakaumay ang ka-dramahan sa post na ito. Hahaha. Paulit ulit din ang mga nilalagay ko. Anyways, okay na ulit kami ni Luch....

And yes, just so you guys know, I indeed have eyes, not only sa internet....it really is amazing what private investigators can do for you...hahahaha....

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