Saturday, January 29, 2011

En vecka (One Week)

Luch wanted to be the first guy....

A lot of things had changed for the better, I would say, since that "thing" happened though we are still in the process of making each other believe that we've "changed".

Relationships do mean adjustments, right? I guess I'm still in the process of doing my part.

Na-paranoid na din kasi si Luch kung ano ang mga ginagawa ko kapag lalabas ako, kung sino kasama ko, kung nakauwi na ako. Naging seloso na sya since that "thing" happened nga. At syempre, hindi din ako patatalo. Paranoid na din ako kung sino ang kasama nya, kung lalabas sya with his friends, kung nasa office na ba sya at madami pang iba.

Minsan nga natatawa na lang ako pero you shouldn't laugh at these matters din pala kasi one of the foundations of a good relationship is trust. We are still healing. I know that. But we are doing this process together. Holding hands. I can honestly say that each day makes us stronger. And more stable.

Going back, I just one of the best weeks with Luch. Kasi naman buong linggo kami literally magkasama. From Monday morning to Friday evening.

Iba talaga ang feeling kapag kasama mo talaga ang mahal mo. Kapag katabi mo lang. Kapag nasa bed lang kayo. Nakasandal sa isat-isa. Magkahawak ang kamay. Pinapadaan ang kanyang mga daliri sa buhok. Tapos nakikinig lang sa isat-isa magbarahan at magbitaw ng mga corny na jokes.

It became a habit of mine to stare at Luch when he's sleeping. I dunno but it calms me. It reassures me that he will stay. At hindi nagtagal ay ginaya na din ako ni Luch. Magugulat na lang ako na pagkadilat ng eyes ko, nakatulala na sya sa akin.

Ang daming nangyari sa week na ito. I'll just put the memorable stuff here.


  1. Nang sabay kami magigising sa umaga. May muta pa ang mga mata at mabaho pa ang hininga. Hahaha!
  2. Nanonood kami ng mga Filipino comedy films. Saya. Hehehe.
  3. Sabay kami kumakain ng dinner/lunch. (Alam kong lagi namin iyon ginagawa pero I still look forward for the dinners that we'll have)
  4. Pumunta kami sa kung saan saan. (Naglalakad lang kami sa Ayala nang naka-shorts, t-shirt at tsinelas...weird lang kasi hindi talaga ako lumalabas ng bahay ng hindi naka-ayos)
  5. Nasanay na kami na bebeboy ang tawagan namin sa isa't-isa. (Kahit na nasa public place kami at madaming tao, hindi na namin napipigilan ang aming mga dila. Hahahaha.)
  6. Minsan na sabay kami naliligo sa shower. (Hehehehe. Tapos sya pa mismo nagsasabon sa buong katawan ko.)
  7. Uber-hot sex. (Enough said.)
  8. Kulitan sa text. (From kamustahan to corny jokes to the cheesiest of lines.)
  9. Nagsasabihan na mahal namin ang isat-isa.
  10. Kinakantahan ang isa't-isa hanggang inaantok na kami.
Luch really wanted me to get rid of the memories I had with "other people" sa "mall" and "restaurants" and "sa videoke" kaya he made an effort to go to all those places with me. Para masabi nya na "Ayan! Ako ang huling nakasama mo dito! Burahin mo na sa isip mo yung ibang nangyari dito. Ako lang dapat ang naaalala mong nakasama mo dito!"

It made me smile. Mahal nga ako ni Bebeboy. LOL.

Maybe this is the most memorable thing that happened with us this week.

He told me one of the sweetest lines that I have ever heard.

"Diba ito ang first ever Valentine's mo na may boyfriend ka?"

I said yes.

"Gusto ko ako ang first mo sa lahat ha."

"What do you mean?"

"Basta, gusto ko na ako ang first na kasama mong pupunta sa isang lugar, na ako dapat ang kasama mo na kakain nito, na sabay nating gagawin for the first time ang isang activity...basta gusto ko nandoon ako sa lahat ng firsts mo."

It made my heart melt. Mahal na mahal ko ang taong ito. I can't imagine life without him anymore.

"Alam mo, dehado na nga ako sayo eh."

"Nyek! Ano na naman yan? Bakit mo nasabi?"

"Ilang taon ka na Bebeboink?"

"21."

"Ako 30 na so..."

"31 na! At lalampas ka na sa kalendaryo? (BWAHAHAHA!)

(Kukurutin ako ni Luch)

"O sya sige...31 na....Imagine...almost 10 years?"

"10 years?"

"Almost 10 years na ako naghihintay para makasama ka."












Napagtripan naming kumain sa Sbarro. Eto ang ilan sa mga nilamutak naming pagkain!


See you again on Monday, Bebeboy!

Enjoy the weekend with Joe! :D


________________________________________________________________________

Nahuli ako ng officemates ko na kasama ko si Luch sa Sbarro. Alam kong pinagchi-chismisan nila ako. At alam kong pinag-iisipan nila kung "confirmed" na ba talaga ako. Hahaha! Iniiwasan na ako ng girl na may crush sa akin pati na din yung guy officemate ko na nagtapat sa akin ng kanyang "panliligaw" sa akin pero I turned him down kasi sabi ko "straight" ako. So far, hindi pa naman nila ako kino-confront pero I dont really care about what other people may think. I'm happy.

________________________________________________________________________

Pinahiram sa akin ni Luch yung jacket nya. Hanggang ngayon, suot ko pa din sya. Nandito lang ako sa kwarto, naka-max ang aircon at inaamoy ang jacket ni Luch. Mabango pa din. Nami-miss ko na sya! Ilang oras na lang... Monday na ulit! hehehehe!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Familjefrågor

This week has been a roller coaster for me... A lot of things happened for just a short span of time...

sigh...inhale and exhale...relax...

Lets start with my sister. I dunno if I have mentioned this already but I "outed" myself to her when I was depressed. Well. Enough with my drama. Let's start with her.

Nanggigil ako. Binugbog ang sister ko ng partner nya. Sorry for the language that I'm gonna use pero tarantado talaga ang gagong tibong nambugbog sa sister ko.

If only you could see my sister. Maawa kayo sa kanya. Imagine. My sister is pretty at beterana na ng mga beauty pageants and she has been modeling and hosting for quite some time na din. She dreams of achieving tons of things. This coming February nga ay may sasalihan dapat syang major pageant and she's gonna host an event too.

Awang-awa talaga ako sa kanya...

I was sleeping when suddenly, she texted me...

"Kuya, please tawagan mo ako. Please now na."

"Bakit? Mamaya na. Wala akong load."

"KUYA! ANO BA! NANDITO AKO SA POLICE STATION!"

I called her agad. Nasa police station sya. She said na her partner (at that time nalaman na ng family ko lesbian siya...but I think nasa "confused" stage lang sya eh kasi bata pa sya) beat her sa mall. In front of a lot of people. Inawat lang sila ng mga security guard.

My sister has a black eye, a busted lip and we had to go to the hospital because she needed stiches on her left eyebrow.

"Kuya, yung pageant ko. Wala na."

Naiyak ako. Dahil sa gagong iyon, ganito ang nangyari sa kapatid ko.

I've sworn on that day, that I will make that bitch's life a living hell. Gago sya. Pero mas gago ako.

Napakulong namin ang !@%$#!!! iyon at syempre may babayaran din sila sa amin.

Nakausap ko pa ang mga magulang ng sira-ulong iyon. Pagpasensyahan na lang daw namin. Nasa isip ko "Sige, ganito na lang, ako ang bubugbog, sisipa, susuntok at ingungudngod ko ang mukha ng anak nyo sa buong Macapagal highway tapos sasabihin kong pasensya na lang."

At least, my sister is now fine. She no longer has contact with that bitch. At naghe-heal naman ang mga bruises and scratches sa mukha nya.

"Kuya, hindi mo pa ba ako ipapakilala kay Luch"

"Adik ka ba? Sabog ang mukha mo, ipapakilala kita?"

"Echosera ka! Wapakels naman ang beauty ko!"

I so love my sister....parang babaeng bakla lang...hehehehe

_______________________________________________________________________

My lola is in the hospital now. Nasa ICU. Matanda na din kasi si Lola. Sigh. All of my relatives including the ones who were abroad, flew here to the Philippines. Malala na daw kasi ang condition ng lola ko.

Later, pupunta ulit kami sa hospital.

I remember, just this December, na-ospital si Lola. Late kasi ako dumating ng hospital eh. Aba, pagkakita sa akin...

"Ay nako dong! Pwidi na akong mamatay! Nakita ko na ang gwapo kong apo!"

"Lola! Ano ba yan! Hahahaha!"

Kahit ganun, napapatawa nya pa din ako.

I wish my Lola all the best. She has a long life. I know that she loved all of us and we love her too. If God wants to take her now, I know that she'll gladly walk with our Father towards His kingdom in heaven...

Mahal na mahal kita Lola. Pero hang in there muna. I know you can still make it.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Happy 3rd Bebeboy!



Mahal na mahal kita bebeboy! Tatlong buwan na tayo!



By the way, pinag-aaralan ko na ang Portuguese version nito. Ang ganda eh. Hehehe



Eu não vou forçar
Siga seus sentimentos mais
Apenas deixe o seu coração bater
Para mim

Luch and Gaspard (PART III)

This would be the 3rd and final part of the series "Luch and Gaspard". Ang hirap para isulat ang mga bagay na gusto mo na ding kalimutan.

Luch asked me to that I can do anything to him. Punch him in the face. Shout at him. I told him na sana kahit isang gabi na lang, magkatabi kami matutulog. I love this guy. Ayun ang sabi ng utak ko.

At last, he rested his tired head on my right shoulder. I did the same. I put my head in his right shoulder too. We were still crying.

"Wag mo ako iiwanan...."

Hindi ko na alam kung sino ang unang nagsabi nyan. Pero wala na akong pakialam. Ayaw kong mawala si Luch sa akin. Hindi ko kaya.

Tutulungan namin ang isat-isang magbago. At ipaalala ang aming mga nagawang kasalanan. We promised that we will be stronger. For each other.






The cold night ended with our arms wrapped around each other's body. And we held hands and kissed until we both fell asleep.

"Mahal na mahal kita bebeboy."



_______________________________________________________________________

After what happened, we had more reasons to love each other. We never let each day pass, or even an hour, to not say that we love each other. Ganoon pala ang feeling. Akala mo madali lang bitawan, pero kapag ayan na, hindi mo magawa.

I know that most of my friends doesn't want me to be in this kind of relationship. It breaks the rules set by society. But now I know. There are really no rules when it comes to falling in love. You just have to face the consequences.

Falling in love means that you have to be brave. It also means that you must keep an open mind. There will always be changes in a relationship, as well as challenges, but one should never give in. Never give up.

When I told my friends that Luch and I were still together, they were not really proud of what I did.

Kulang na nga lang, batukan nila ako sa sobrang katangahan ko daw.







I know that eventhough hindi lahat sa mga nagbabasa nito ay dumaraan sa nararanasan ko ngayon, alam kong alam nyo ang ibig kong sabihin nang pinili kong mag-stay. Lahat naman kasi tayo ay marunong at alam kung paano magmahal. Lalo na kung alam mong sinusuklian ito sayo ng higit pa sa inaasahan mo.

_____________________________________________________________________________


Ang drama ah! Hehehehe!

So para naman medyo maging light ang blog ko, ako ay magje-jejemon!




mH4L n mH4L kT4 7Uch! 1 kn0w 1 w177 n0+ r36r3+ +h1$ ch01c3 +h4+ 1 m4D3. 474m qU0hn6 m4D4m1 p' +4y0n6 p'6D4D44nn p3r0 474m qU0hn6 b$+4 k~$4m4 kT4, 1\'77 b3 f1n3. 4641n, mH4L n mH4L n mH4L n mH4L kT4...



Kung nagdugo ang ilong nyo dyan, ayan sa baba ang translation. hahahaha.

Mahal na mahal kita Luch! I know I will not regret this choice that I made. Alam kong madami pa tayong pagdadaanan pero alam kong basta kasama kita, I'll be fine. Again, mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita...

Luch and Gaspard (PART II)

This post will be his side. Im typing this based on what I understood from him. Pero Luch, just in case you're reading this, you're free to edit this.




I was in the taxi. I texted him again.

"Ang galing mo talaga. Gudnyt bebeboy :)"

He replied.

"Im here"

"Saan? Sa fire exit?"

"Yes."

"Pinapapunta mo ba ako dyan?"

"Yes."

"Wait lang bebeboy ha. Hehehe"

I sounded sarcastic. At that point I didnt care what he was thinking. I just know na magsisinungaling lang din sya.

And so we met again. Sa fire exit. He was sitting sa stairs. Staring at me. I wasnt able to hold my emotions anymore. I burst into tears.

I went on with my speech. Saying how much I loved him. That I was willing to sacrifice everything. That I was disgusted with the way I acted. Kabit na nga lang ako...

I was getting louder. I was starting to raise my voice. He asked me to follow him. I did. He asked me to follow him inside his unit.

Ang nasa isip ko nung panahon na yun, ipapakita ba ako ni Luch kay Joe? Nasisiraan na ba talaga itong si Luch? Malaking gulo iyon.

Nagulat ako nang nakita kong walang tao sa loob ng condo, not like what his text told me.

He asked me to sit there on his bed. We were both staring at each other. I was acting like an asshole. I didnt care about him anymore at that point.

I started with my speech again. That I was really mad at him. That he was a jerk. Tarantado. Bastos. I told him what I saw. Everything. From the chatlogs to the web screenshots. From the sex invites, the orgys and the number exchanges.

Finally he answered.

He told me that he likes flirting. But that's it. Yes he gives his number and teases them online but he never meets up with any of them. The reason for that, he loves it when people praise him. He loves people saying that he's hot or he's handsome and that tons of guys out there would want to be with him. Hindi ako naniniwala doon, lalo na at nangyari ito.

Now, he answered why "this" happened. I told him that I planned to entrap him. Nagkataon lang na nag-aaway kami dahil kay Beau.

This is his story...

Luch was really mad and sad when he read my post about Beau. He thinks that I went out on a date with Beau. Walang straight na lalaki ang lalabas kasama ko. Nang kami lang dalawa. Nang kakain. Nang magvi-videoke. Na mag-a-alok na manood ng movie. Na tinitingnan at inuusisa ang aking itsura. Na makikipagtawanan habang nasa bus. Na magku-kwento nang buhay pag-ibig nya. Walang straight na lalaki ang ganoon. Mali daw ang aking sagot nang sinabi ko na bored lang ako kaya ako sumama kay Beau. Hindi daw ako mag-e-enjoy kung ang goal lang namin ay magpalipas ng oras. Luch told me that he knows and he senses that I still like Beau.

Kung naglihim daw ako kay Luch tungkol sa "date" namin ni Beau, gagawin nya din daw ang paglihiman ako. At ang naisip nyang paraan ay ang pakikipag-meet nga sa isang taong nakilala online. Nasaktong lang na ako yun.

Nung mga araw na sinabi nya sa akin na huwag muna akong pumunta sa condo nya kasi nandun si Joe, nagsinungaling lang daw sya. Gusto nya muna mag-isa. Pakiramdam nya na pinagtaksilan ko sya. He wanted to get even with me. He told me na ito ang isa sa mga masama nyang ugali.

He told me that he cant focus on work because of what he had read in my blog. He couldn't eat. He couldn't sleep. The words that I typed in that post rings inside his head consistently. He has my blog pulled up in his computer when he goes to work. He reads it over and over. Hindi nya makuhang walang malisya yun. After work, he goes sa rooftop ng building nila. Nakatingin lang sa malayo. Kung bakit ko nagawa sa kanya na paglihiman ko sya. Kung wala ba daw talaga sa akin yun, bakit hindi ko pa nasabi sa kanya.

Tinitignan nya ang mga isang picture ko sa Facebook. He's imagining me staring at him. Sinasabi nya sa sarili nya. Nagtatanong. Kung bakit ko nagawa sa kanya yun.

At dumating na nga ang gabing ito.

Actually, on that night, before he decided to meet and do it sa fire exit, he texted na he doesn't suck and he doesn't kiss. And 5 mins lang gagawin iyon. Sa fire exit lang kasi may tao nga daw sa condo.

Nung gabing iyon, mabagal na umakyat ng fire exit si Luch. He doesnt want to suck or kiss because he said that he cares for me too much. He lied to the guy he was supposed to meet. He said that somebody's inside the condo kaya sa fire exit na lang. He lied kasi hindi nya kaya na gawin iyon sa "aming kama". Sa loob ng aming bahay. Hindi nya kaya na may iba syang makakatalik. Hindi nya gusto. Kaya 5 minutes lang. Para lang may mailihim din si Luch sa akin. Mamamatay sya kapag nakipagtalik pa sya sa iba.

"Gaspard, alam mo, dapat ikaw ang galit sa akin dahil sa ginawa ko. Pero hindi ko kayang hindi magalit sayo."

He was crying too. We were both tired.

"Alam mo Gaspard, kanina pa kita gustong yakapin pero hindi ko magawa."

"Parehas lang ang nangyari. Nagnakaw ka ng 50 pesos. Nagnakaw ako ng 1 million. Pero parehas pa ding pagnanakaw iyon."

"Nagpapasalamat din ako na nangyari ito. Kasi napigilan mo ako maging isang puta ulit."

He told me some of the things that happened in his past relationships. How that some of his other partners lied to him. How he was treated badly. Na ang tingin ng mga kaibigan ng partner nya na isa syang puta. Hanggang sa tinotoo na lang nya ang mga sinasabi sa kanya.

Nagulat ako sa sinabi nyang hindi na sila nagtatalik ni Joe. The last time they did it was in October. I dunno whether I should believe that or not.

He said that it may be weird, but eventhough that he's with Joe, he still thinks of me.





Joe told him na si Luch din ang talo. Kaninong katawan ba ang pinapagamit nya?

Pero nagbago na daw sya. Hindi na sya katulad ng dati.

Kasi mahal na mahal nya ako. Mahal na mahal.






"Mahal na mahal na mahal kita Gaspard."





Watch out for the final part...what happened to Luch and Gaspard...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Luch and Gaspard (PART I)

I was not able to blog lately because a lot has happened for the past week. Well, I guess I should start now. Im gonna write this as chronologically as possible to make this easier for all of us to understand.




DISCLAIMER: If you're gonna read this, please read THE WHOLE THING. Reading bits of it will leave you scratching your head. You'll just be confused.




For those who has been reading my blog lately, I guess you would know who Luch is. Yeah. This post is about our relationship and how we almost broke up. Yeah. Almost.

I will tell my side of the story first then Luch's and then we'll put them together. Actually, pati ako naguluhan sa mga nangyari eh. 

This is my side of the story... It started when I noticed that he became cold towards me all of a sudden. I dont really know what happened and so I asked him whats happening or was there something that I should know. I pinged him on Facebook.

"Luch, may prob ba? You seem so cold towards me lately eh."

"Akala mo lang yun. Busy lang talaga sa work."

"Sure ka bebeboy ha. Love you."

Then he wouldnt reply.

"Hindi mo man lang ba ako sasabihan ng i love u too or i miss you?"

"I just dont feel like doing it."

"Gusto ko marinig."

"Alam mo na yun."

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?"

"Alam mo na yun."

Those words really made me sad. That was one of the worst days of my young life. Parang bakit bigla na lang siya nagsawa. Since it was a weekday, I was really expecting to spend the evenings with him but he texted me na huwag muna pumunta kasi nandun daw si Joe, ang legal boyfriend. Lalo akong naging malungkot. He's not even replying to my messages. Kinukulit ko sya kung pwede na ba ako pumunta but no I cant. i was really looking forward to talking with him. Ponder about us and whats really happening.



A quick break. . .




I know Im gonna sound like a psycho or someone who is obsessed but I hacked into Luch's online accounts including Facebook. His laptop was one of my best sources of evidences to know if he's cheating on me or not. I even hired a private investigator just to follow him. All along, months before this happened, even days after we became a couple, I was reading the messages. He was flirting with other guys. He was giving his number to people he doesnt even know. He was even interested in having sex with them. I didnt take these seriously since he told me that he already changed. But the messages and exchange of numbers kept on coming. But I was too happy and in love with him to dwell on those things.

Going back, just days before Luch started being like that to me, I created a dummy account in Planetromeo. For the past months, I have been keeping track of his log-ins in that site.  Then I noticed that he was logging on again. The same week that he was cold towards me. Thats when I decided to trick him. I sent him a private message and a fake picture. I asked if we could meet up and have sex. He said yes. And he gave his number too.

It was one of the lowest points in my life. Kabit na nga ako. Ganito pa ang ginagawa sa likod ko. To tell you guys the truth, I was mad. Angry. Devastated. I even created a post to blurt out everything  that I know. Everything that he was doing online. Complete with chat logs and screenshots. (That post will never be published due to its content. Pati ako nandiri sa mga naisulat ko dun.)




At this point, I would like to ask all of you who has been reading this to continue. Wala pa tayo sa kalahati kaya wag muna maghusga.



Going back to our story. . .



I was really mad. I thought I could do anything. Anything to hurt and damage him. I called my friends up. Some of them. I told them my side of the story. The same thing that you are now reading. That same morning, I have decided to continue with my plan. To entrap him. I just wanted to get this over with. I was really down. I was mad. I was tired. I was in love.

That same morning, Luch texted me and he was asking me questions. Nabasa nya yung post ko about Beau. Yung pinaka-recent post. Yung kumain, nag-videoke at umuwi kami nang sabay. Bakit ko daw hindi sinabi sa kanya kung sino ang kasama. Luch knows that I had a thing for Beau before. Sinabi nyang hindi ako mag-aaksaya ng isang maghapon kasama ang isang lalaki kung hindi ko yun gusto. Naglihim ako sa kanya. Ginawa ko iyon dahil para sa akin, wala na sa akin yung kami ni Beau. Lumabas lang kami bilang magkaibigan. At that instant, he made me sad. Tinanong nya ako. Mahirap bang sabihin or magtext kung sino ang kasama mo at kung ano ang ginagawa mo? He said na may gusto pa din ako kay Beau. He's not buying my answers to his questions anymore. Nagselos ng matindi si Luch. Nagalit sya sa akin. He told me that I was not being honest with him.

Sa isip ko, yeah right...Honesty? Pfft!

He told me to not bother him for the rest of the day. And so I did that. I felt bad by what was happening but the thought of catching him on the act got the most of me. I wanted to get this over with. Parang gusto ko na sumuko.

For the rest of the day, I didn't even bother talking to him anymore. I was giving myself time. Giving time to ready myself. Of letting go of him eventhough I didnt want to. Nakakapagod pala kung nagtatalo na ang isip at puso mo. Sobrang hirap.

I went to Makati, hoping that my friends can make me calm down. My heart was beating so fast I could barely stand, walk or even breathe. (Hindi ako O.A.) Wala pa akong tulog, namamaga ang mga mata ko, gutom na ako pero wala akong ibang maisip kung ano ang gagawin ko.

I kept on texting Luch with the dummy sim card I bought reminding him about our SEB. He's not replying anymore. Some of my friends told me to keep on texting him. Para matapos na daw ang lokohan.

Malapit na mag-11pm, our agreed time, pero hindi pa din nag-rereply si Luch.

I texted him. Sabi ko aakyat na lang ako sa condo nya.

It shattered my heart when he replied na kung pwede blowjob na lang sa fire exit. May tao daw kasi sa unit. Nasa isip ko, nandun si Joe sa condo ngayon. Pero gusto nya pa din ituloy?

Tumawag ako ng taxi papuntang condo. Tumutulo na ang luha ko.

Sumakay ako ng elevator...I was trying to act as calm as possible...

I texted him na imi-miskol ko sya kapag nandun na ako sa fire exit.

Papunta na daw sya. Hindi ko na alam ang aking gagawin.

Para talagang tumigil ang oras. Nagkita kami.

Alam kong nagulat sya.

"You're here."

Wala akong masabi. Nagulat ako at dumating sya. Nanginginig ang aking mga tuhod.

Bigla na lang nag-walk out si Luch.

"Ang galing mo talaga!" sigaw ko sabay sakay ng elevator pababa. Mag-isa lang ako sa elevator. Nakaharap ako sa salamin. Nandiri ako sa sarili ko.

Sumakay ako ng taxi papalayo sa condo na yun. Sa isip ko, sa huling pagkakataon, gusto ko makita kung ano ang itsura ng lugar kung saan ako nagmahal ng sobra.




ITO ANG END NG PART I. BASAHIN NYO ANG PART II. ANG SIDE NI LUCH.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Jag saknar dig (Missing you)

Just so you know, I'm always thinking about you.

I like spending time thinking what it would be like to be with you again..for another day...for another evening.

I'm always looking forward to having dinners with you.

I'm always excited to talk with you.

To hug you.

And to just lay there and cuddle.

You keep on telling me na "kakakita lang natin nung isang araw, miss mo na agad ako?"

I guess you don't know what it feels like to be in my size 11 shoes...hehehe

It makes me sad that I can't be with you whenever I feel like being with you (which is all the time)

Pinasok ko ito, and I know what the conditions and consequences are

Maybe, all I'm trying to say is I love you...

More than you can imagine.

More than your current and past boyfriends.

If I'm still not enough, I will try to be all that you'll ever want.

I'll never hurt you.

I won't let you down.

I'll never walk away.

I miss your scent.

It became a habit of mine, that whenever I sleep at your place, and you're still not there, I always wear the shirts that you just wore.

In a way, it makes me feel that you're just there.

Beside me.

I am always waiting.

And I can wait.

Thanks for being honest with me.

I am filled with joy when you told me that I was able to change you.

That I made you loyal.

Well, with Joe and I.

You now owned me. Truly. I gave myself to you when you said that.

Mahal na mahal kita.

Words are never enough. I know it sounds cliche but that's what I really feel.

And when we sleep together, I feel safe.

I know I'm home.

In your bed.

I'm no longer scared of monsters under my bed. LOL.

I don't see any other guys.

It's just you and I.

Whenever I arrive at your condo, and you, just sitting on your bed watching TV,

and when you smile when you see me,

it feels like finally, I have someone to call mine too

Luch, I am yours.

Mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

I just wrote this because I miss you...

At tsaka narinig ko ang song ni Dingdong Avanzado... "Maghihintay Sayo"

Hehehe

Love you, Bebeboinks...

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Hoy Nate!

Ang landi mo! Hahahahaha!



--- parang wall post lang sa Facebook eh..hahahha

Beau...again

It was a Saturday and we were both extremely bored. We didn't have anything to do right after work so we decided to go out together. I think some of you already knows who Beau is but for those who doesn't, basahin nyo na lang ang mga earlier posts ko. Katamad mag-lagay ng mga links eh. (Tamad talaga? Dapat pala ilagay ko sa New Year's Resolution ko yan. Ang maging masipag. Hehehe)

It's a good thing that I got over him na. Mabagal kasi sya masyado (I still don't know if he's actually gay or not...hindi na ako interesado malaman. Basta, I'm just cool being friends with him na lang.)

My girl officemate, a good friend of mine and of Beau's, needed to go somewhere so it was just the two of us who went out. As we were strolling sa Glorietta 4, he was sharing stories about his personal life. 

From what he was saying, I got to know him even better. He was telling stories about him and his girlfriend and their situation. That he wants to break up with her na but he's just waiting for her to dump him. Ang gulo. I just told him na if you care and still love her, why not ligawan mo ulit sya? (Ako na! Ako na si Dr. Love!)

Do you miss her?

No...

May third party ba involved?

Wala...

Ahhh...why not go to her place now? It's a weekend so why not go out with her?

Nah...I don't want to. Nakakatamad.

I think may pagkukulang lang kayo sa isat-isa kaya naging ganyan.

Hindi na nga kami nag-aano eh

Nag-aano? Ahhhh... Yung ano...

Hahahaha!

And he was telling me like how his barkada warns him to not treat his current girlfriend just like his past girlfriends. (May tendency so Beau na kapag nagsawa na sa girlfriend, bigla na lang mawawala.)

Halos nalibot na namin ang buong Glorietta 4 when we decided to eat na lang muna. Syempre, since we both like eating, we ate a lot. Pizza, pasta, chicken and sandwiches. Busog. Hahaha.

Napunta naman ang usapan sa akin. He was telling me that we should go to the gym together sometime. He thinks that I should gain more weight (ayoko nga!) para buff daw ang kalalabasan ko. (Nice. Kalalabasan. Hihihi) And on that day, I found out na ino-obserbahan pala ako nitong taong ito! He said na I need to tone my arms pa... and my chest kasi daw parang man-boobs (LOL)... 

After we ate, we decided na libutin naman ang Greenbelt since we don't want to go home yet. Nalibot talag namin ang BUONG Greenbelt sa sobrang walang magawa. It was almost 3:30pm then when he asked me if I want to watch a movie. I wanted to watch Gulliver's Travels but I wanted to watch it with Luch so I said no.

Nauwi na lang sa kantahan ang aming trip. Videoke mode kami. Sya pa ang nanglibre! Hahaha! Most yata sa mga nakanta namin ay puro cheesy love songs. Hahaha. Wala lang. Trip lang. Tawa lang kami ng tawa. Yung mga tao yata sa labas akala mag-jowa kami. Halatang kami ang pinag-uusapan. LOL.

We decided to call it a day and we headed back home na. Sabay ulit kami sa bus heading south. Sa bus, napag-tripan pa din namin ang mga commercials sa TV. Pati na din si Coco Martin. YUMMY! LOL.

Alam mo Gaspard, buti ka pa wala kang problema sa mga ganito...

Akala mo lang, Beau. Akala mo lang.

I got off the bus and saw him waving back at me. Ingat daw sa pag-uwi.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Tillgodose Dig (Just some of the things I'll gladly do)





These are just some of the things I'll gladly do for my man...I chose this song because of the lyrics and what each verse means. I love my man :)


A few minutes ago...

Luch messaged me on Facebook. He said that he's already stressed sa work.

And just like what a good member of Destiny's Child would do, (syempre ako si Beyonce, para may banging-bikini-bod!), kinulit ko sya until he laughs or smiles...

At nagtagumpay naman ako dun. Hehehe.




"Want To Give You My Breath, My Strength, My Will To Be Here

That's The Least I Can Do,
Let Me Cater To You
Through The Good (Good)
The Bad (Through The Bad)
The Ups And The Downs (Ups And Downs)
I'll Still Be Here For You
Let Me Cater To You"


Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011

I am looking forward for the things that will happen on 2011. I can say that I am ready to face new challenges and experience new things. I hope to grow more as person, in all aspects of life.

These are the things that I'm planning to do this year...

  1. Be more productive. I guess I did only a number of things this year. I hope I'll be busier this year.
  2. I hope to book more jobs compared to last year. 2010 isn't really my year when it comes to commercials and print ads.
  3. I NEED/HAVE/MUST go to the gym. ASAP. If I'm gonna take my modeling seriously, I should not only have the face but also the body to meet the clients' demands and wants. Plus, we plan on going to Boracay again this year so I SHOULD be HOT.
  4. A job change. My Chinese horoscope tells me that a good month for my career is February. That's a good sign. I have the whole month of January to look for a job, and possibly a career that I will love.
  5. Maybe have my own place in the metro. Or in Makati. I'm getting tired of going back and forth from Manila to Cavite. Arrrggghhh.
  6. Be stable and independent. Financially. I have to stand using my own two feet. After all, it's part of growing up.
  7. Attend church services more. Heavenly Father never forgets us, specially when we need guidance and help. I guess it's just proper to do my part.
  8. Always tell and show people that I love that I LOVE THEM.
  9. Try to be more confident and have more belief in ones capabilities.
  10. Smile. It helps other people realize that there's still something in this world that is worth waking up every morning for.
This is it for now. For all of you guys out there, have a great 2011!

2010

Syempre, ano pa ba? Edi sisimulan itong post na ito sa walang katapusang pag-alala sa nakalipas na taon at  ang mga balak mong baguhin sa iyong sarili sa taong ito...blah blah blah...

2010 was a good year for me. Well, honestly, I dont remember much of the things that happened this past year. So maybe I'll just be thankful for the things that happened to me in the past. I know that 2010 gave me , well not just me, trials and walls to face but I know that I have overcame those obstacles. I am really thankful that I am still growing as a person and each day gives me new experiences. I am thankful for the people who has helped me grow, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

I'm always gonna be thankful for the people who shared their time with me, not just in 2010 but also for the previous years. I would say that I will always be thankful for the laughs they shared, the tears we cried, the hugs we...uhmm...sige na nga....shared ulit (wala akong maisip na ibang word eh...hehehe), the kisses that made me smile, cry and long for someone.

Ayoko magpaka-emo sa post na ito kasi hindi naman talaga ako emo. See. Nauubusan na nga yata ako ng english kaya nag-tagalog na ako eh. Hehehe.

Going back, (commercial break lang yung tagalog kanina...may tissue na ako sa ilong eh), I'm thankful that Im keeping this online journal, for without it, I wouldn't really know what happened in the past. I know I said this already in a previous entry but I'm gonna say it again. This blog kinda helped me know who I am by reading the things I write here.

My religion encourages us to have our own journal. I had been keeping journals before, like waaaaaayyy before pa, maybe since I was in elementary school? Im not really sure. Anyway, journals will be something that can be a part of you. In a way, it can be you or any other person, living and breathing, only in soft pages of a leather bound journal or within the walls of a blog.

I'm thankful that my family is still strong. I know that we have encountered tons of trials together but I know that none of those will ever pull us apart. I think I might have mentioned that my parents were thinking of getting an annulment. Good thing it didn't push through. I can say that prayers still work.

2010 gave me new things to think about when it comes to love and relationship. Though I cant say that Im a good example when it comes to this, I can say that it's nice to fall in love. It feels good to smile just because you thought of someone, and you know that that someone is also thinking of you. The feeling that you get when you see him there, sitting right beside you, knowing that somehow, you can make things work and last. And the kisses that will always sing of love and passion. A tight hug because you miss each other so much. And the rush that you get when you get to see him again and again and again like its the first time you met him. These are the things that I am thankful for. Thanks guys. You know who you are.

To my friends, I am indeed very thankful. I know you always have my back. And you get to tell me things that only a family member could. I love all of you like you're my brothers and sisters. I am thanful because you always tell me to be my own self. To be who I am. To be a good person. You get to smack me when I do something bad and when my judgement is hazy. You get to point out the things that I'm doing wrong. And for those things, I am thankful. You always help me grow. The best part is we also get to see each other grow.

Luch, you made my 2010 memorable too. I love you so much. I hope we'll stay longer. Let's face 2011 together...Oh yeah...don't forget Joe. Hehehehe...

2010, thank you very much...

Now, 2011...