Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Luch and Gaspard (PART I)

I was not able to blog lately because a lot has happened for the past week. Well, I guess I should start now. Im gonna write this as chronologically as possible to make this easier for all of us to understand.

DISCLAIMER: If you're gonna read this, please read THE WHOLE THING. Reading bits of it will leave you scratching your head. You'll just be confused.

For those who has been reading my blog lately, I guess you would know who Luch is. Yeah. This post is about our relationship and how we almost broke up. Yeah. Almost.

I will tell my side of the story first then Luch's and then we'll put them together. Actually, pati ako naguluhan sa mga nangyari eh. 

This is my side of the story... It started when I noticed that he became cold towards me all of a sudden. I dont really know what happened and so I asked him whats happening or was there something that I should know. I pinged him on Facebook.

"Luch, may prob ba? You seem so cold towards me lately eh."

"Akala mo lang yun. Busy lang talaga sa work."

"Sure ka bebeboy ha. Love you."

Then he wouldnt reply.

"Hindi mo man lang ba ako sasabihan ng i love u too or i miss you?"

"I just dont feel like doing it."

"Gusto ko marinig."

"Alam mo na yun."

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?"

"Alam mo na yun."

Those words really made me sad. That was one of the worst days of my young life. Parang bakit bigla na lang siya nagsawa. Since it was a weekday, I was really expecting to spend the evenings with him but he texted me na huwag muna pumunta kasi nandun daw si Joe, ang legal boyfriend. Lalo akong naging malungkot. He's not even replying to my messages. Kinukulit ko sya kung pwede na ba ako pumunta but no I cant. i was really looking forward to talking with him. Ponder about us and whats really happening.

A quick break. . .

I know Im gonna sound like a psycho or someone who is obsessed but I hacked into Luch's online accounts including Facebook. His laptop was one of my best sources of evidences to know if he's cheating on me or not. I even hired a private investigator just to follow him. All along, months before this happened, even days after we became a couple, I was reading the messages. He was flirting with other guys. He was giving his number to people he doesnt even know. He was even interested in having sex with them. I didnt take these seriously since he told me that he already changed. But the messages and exchange of numbers kept on coming. But I was too happy and in love with him to dwell on those things.

Going back, just days before Luch started being like that to me, I created a dummy account in Planetromeo. For the past months, I have been keeping track of his log-ins in that site.  Then I noticed that he was logging on again. The same week that he was cold towards me. Thats when I decided to trick him. I sent him a private message and a fake picture. I asked if we could meet up and have sex. He said yes. And he gave his number too.

It was one of the lowest points in my life. Kabit na nga ako. Ganito pa ang ginagawa sa likod ko. To tell you guys the truth, I was mad. Angry. Devastated. I even created a post to blurt out everything  that I know. Everything that he was doing online. Complete with chat logs and screenshots. (That post will never be published due to its content. Pati ako nandiri sa mga naisulat ko dun.)

At this point, I would like to ask all of you who has been reading this to continue. Wala pa tayo sa kalahati kaya wag muna maghusga.

Going back to our story. . .

I was really mad. I thought I could do anything. Anything to hurt and damage him. I called my friends up. Some of them. I told them my side of the story. The same thing that you are now reading. That same morning, I have decided to continue with my plan. To entrap him. I just wanted to get this over with. I was really down. I was mad. I was tired. I was in love.

That same morning, Luch texted me and he was asking me questions. Nabasa nya yung post ko about Beau. Yung pinaka-recent post. Yung kumain, nag-videoke at umuwi kami nang sabay. Bakit ko daw hindi sinabi sa kanya kung sino ang kasama. Luch knows that I had a thing for Beau before. Sinabi nyang hindi ako mag-aaksaya ng isang maghapon kasama ang isang lalaki kung hindi ko yun gusto. Naglihim ako sa kanya. Ginawa ko iyon dahil para sa akin, wala na sa akin yung kami ni Beau. Lumabas lang kami bilang magkaibigan. At that instant, he made me sad. Tinanong nya ako. Mahirap bang sabihin or magtext kung sino ang kasama mo at kung ano ang ginagawa mo? He said na may gusto pa din ako kay Beau. He's not buying my answers to his questions anymore. Nagselos ng matindi si Luch. Nagalit sya sa akin. He told me that I was not being honest with him.

Sa isip ko, yeah right...Honesty? Pfft!

He told me to not bother him for the rest of the day. And so I did that. I felt bad by what was happening but the thought of catching him on the act got the most of me. I wanted to get this over with. Parang gusto ko na sumuko.

For the rest of the day, I didn't even bother talking to him anymore. I was giving myself time. Giving time to ready myself. Of letting go of him eventhough I didnt want to. Nakakapagod pala kung nagtatalo na ang isip at puso mo. Sobrang hirap.

I went to Makati, hoping that my friends can make me calm down. My heart was beating so fast I could barely stand, walk or even breathe. (Hindi ako O.A.) Wala pa akong tulog, namamaga ang mga mata ko, gutom na ako pero wala akong ibang maisip kung ano ang gagawin ko.

I kept on texting Luch with the dummy sim card I bought reminding him about our SEB. He's not replying anymore. Some of my friends told me to keep on texting him. Para matapos na daw ang lokohan.

Malapit na mag-11pm, our agreed time, pero hindi pa din nag-rereply si Luch.

I texted him. Sabi ko aakyat na lang ako sa condo nya.

It shattered my heart when he replied na kung pwede blowjob na lang sa fire exit. May tao daw kasi sa unit. Nasa isip ko, nandun si Joe sa condo ngayon. Pero gusto nya pa din ituloy?

Tumawag ako ng taxi papuntang condo. Tumutulo na ang luha ko.

Sumakay ako ng elevator...I was trying to act as calm as possible...

I texted him na imi-miskol ko sya kapag nandun na ako sa fire exit.

Papunta na daw sya. Hindi ko na alam ang aking gagawin.

Para talagang tumigil ang oras. Nagkita kami.

Alam kong nagulat sya.

"You're here."

Wala akong masabi. Nagulat ako at dumating sya. Nanginginig ang aking mga tuhod.

Bigla na lang nag-walk out si Luch.

"Ang galing mo talaga!" sigaw ko sabay sakay ng elevator pababa. Mag-isa lang ako sa elevator. Nakaharap ako sa salamin. Nandiri ako sa sarili ko.

Sumakay ako ng taxi papalayo sa condo na yun. Sa isip ko, sa huling pagkakataon, gusto ko makita kung ano ang itsura ng lugar kung saan ako nagmahal ng sobra.


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