Saturday, February 19, 2011

Alla Hjärtans Dag

Apat na buwan na kami! Hehehe!

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito masisimulan isulat kasi parang naisulat ko na naman na paulit ulit na mahal ko sya.

Siguro, sisimulan ko na lang nung aming Valentine's Day.

Sinadya kong hindi mag file ng leave nung Feb. 14 sa pag-aakalang may nakaplano na si Joe para kay Luch. At kelan pa ba nauso na ang Valentine's Day ng mga kabit ay sa ika-14 ng Pebrero? Ang Valentine's Day ng mga kerida/kabit ay dapat 3 or 5 days after Feb. 14, diba?

At least we get to spend the whole week together. Sabay din namin nasalubong ang Valentine's Day.

This is the very first Valentines na may boyfriend ako. Parang pwede ko na sya ma-cross out sa to do list ko. Hehehe.

I was very thankful that I met someone like him.

Sure, there are still things that we need to work on with each other but things are going great for the two of us.


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Seloso pa din si Luch.

I went out with a girlfriend (babaeng kaibigan) to celebrate Valentines din kasi she has no date eh. I dunno why because she's cute, bubbly and fun to go out with. Anyway, sabi sa akin ni Luch na DAPAT NA KAMING DALAWA LANG ng girlfriend ko ang lalabas at WALANG LALAKING KASAMA. Ok lang daw kung may makikisingit na ibang girl pero huwag lang lalaki.

I asked him why. Sagot nya, para daw sya lang ang makakasama kong lalaki sa Valentines.

Sweet.

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We went out on our 4th monthsary. Parang Valentines/Monthsary date na namin yun. We went to our favorite pizza place, Yellow Cab. Kumain ng paborito naming spaghetti with meatballs for Luch and Charlie Chan Chicken Pasta for me!

After that, gumala lang kami ng Greenbelt and Glorietta. Naghaharutan pa nga kami sa daan eh.

Syempre, hindi mawawala sa date namin ang pagvi-videoke! Actually madaming tao that day eh so we had to wait pa for the videoke booth. Napagdiskitahan ko tuloy ang mga tao sa Timezone. Parang mga bata lang kami. Siguro nga, okay ang combination namin. Isang isip bata at isang mature. Hehehe. I love him so much.

I always feel happy whenever I'm with him.

(Ayan, nakita nyo na ang aking mga daliri. Four months na kami! Hehehe!) (Parang ang old and wrinkly ng kamay ko dyan ah.)

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"I love you!"

"I love you too!"

Nagsasabihan kami nyan sa mall or sa Yellow Cab kapag medyo maingay. Hahaha! Ang saya kaya. Malas mo lang kapag sinabi mo yun ng malakas kapag biglang tumahimik ang lugar. Awkward. Siguro nga, yung mga tao na nandun din nag-iisip na "ano ba naman itong mga baklang ito!"

Hahahahaha!

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So I guess this would be the part where I would put my message here for Luch.

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There are a lot of things na gusto ko sabihin sa iyo. I just don't know how to begin. I have been very thankful for all the wonderful experiences I've shared with you. Hindi mo lang alam how much I value these things.

I want to spend all of my time with you kung pwede nga lang eh. I know that you know that I was really hesitant at first dahil sa situation mo/natin but I just sucked it all up. I may or may not regret this in the future but I know that one thing is sure. I know I love you. And you love me too.

I tell you that I love you every single day, every single text, every single call because I want you to remember that I love you. Every bit of you. Your strengths and your weaknesses. How you're perfect with all your flaws.
Thanks for accepting me. For asking me to change the bad things about me. For reminding me that I can always change for the better. For showing how to love again. That there still is a thing called love. I know I sound mushy now. I don't care. Pwede ka bang maging mushy kapag Mar. 14 of Apr. 14? Hindi na! Pang Feb. 14 lang!

I love you with all my being. I have surrendered myself to your arms a long time ago. I have fallen for you. I know that this is a secret relationship. I know its consequences. I may be blinded by love now. I know that my love for you will always continue to grow.

There are still doubts about our future together as a couple. But I know that you will always be there with me. I know.

I always want to be the best person for you kasi alam kong may ka-kumpetensya ako.

I dont want to enumerate all the things that I like about you. Masyado na mahaba. At tsaka baka lumaki pa ulo mo. Hehehe.

I will just tell you this. Event para sa akin ang matulog katabi mo. And I will always wish that I could stay there beside you, tucked tightly around your arms, sleeping, waiting for a brand new day to start with you.


Luch, I will always be here for you. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Jämförelser

I spent the weekend at Luch's house in Bulacan. Actually, halos buong linggo kami magkasama ni Luch pero buti na lang hindi kami nagsasawa sa company ng bawat isa. Subukan nya lang magsawa...nyahahaha!

I mentioned sa previous post ko na I have been looking for a new job na diba. Since this year started, I have been getting more serious with a lot of things. On my health, career, family, relationship with Luch at madami pang-iba.

I asked a good friend nga eh. He told me that I shouldn't force myself to be "mature". It should come out naturally daw.

I have been really thankful that I met someone like Luch. He's always been keeping track of the things that I've been doing.

I know that I'm not that good when it comes to being an adult. Maybe I'm still a kid at heart. I dunno.

I want to be honest. I am jealous of Luch and his other boyfriend, Joe. Parang they can manage their lives very well na. They are in tune with their chosen career paths. They can stand up on their own, financially. They have time for their family and friends too. Things are going the way they planned it to. Ako, nagsisimula pa lang. I feel out of place kapag nag-uusap sila.

Joe and Luch have lots of things in common din naman. When they talk about certain things, I tend to just shut up, smile and look pretty. Hindi ako maka-relate.

Nai-inggit ako.

Anyway...

I know I have the resources now. I just don't know how to maximize them. I know that I'm still not taking things seriously. But I'm trying very hard to push myself now.

I'm still 21 years old pero lately, nare-realize ko na parang ang bilis na ng mga araw. Kung hindi pa ako ngayon kikilos kelan pa kaya?

Nakikita ko yung ibang models na kasabayan ko dati pumunta sa mga go-see and VTRs. Palagi ko na sila nakikita sa mga commercials. Some of them even have shows na. Kung sineryoso ko kaya ang pagmo-modelo, may patutunguhan kaya ako?

Marami pa ding hindi sigurado sa future ko. Siguro, ito yata yung age na kelangan mo nang maging seryoso sa buhay. Nasa last stage ka na ng pagiging bata at nasa first step na ng ladder patungong adulthood.

Sinasabi ko kay Luch na hindi ko maiwasang ikompara ko ang sarili ko kay Joe. Sabi nya naman sa akin na magka-iba kami. At mas matanda silang dalawa sa akin. Iniisip ko "kahit na".

So now, I will try to be more mature. Act more like an adult. I'll try to manage my time more efficiently. Study harder. I will pay for my own bills na (I know, nagwo-work ako pero my parents still pay for my bills if there were any). Sana talaga matuloy na ang pagse-seryosong ito. Ang dami kong hahabulin.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

What happened this past week...

Bakit parang madami yatang namamatay ngayon na kakilala ko?

Tsk tsk..

There was my Lola. Honestly, we didn't want her to suffer anymore. I know that she had been a great mother to my dad and was a very good grandmother to me. I love her very much. She died peacefully last week. I know that she' with our Heavenly Father and with Lolo now, as well as with her parents and other family members.

Dahil dito, biglang nagpuntahan ang aking mga kamag-anak. At nalaman ko na isang malayong kamag-anak pala namin si Rafel Rosell! Hehehe!

Another one was murdered. I think you already heared this from the news. A family was murdered here in Cavite. That family was close to my mother and to my sister. Classmate yata ng sister ko nung highschool yung teenager na pinatay. Buti na lang, nahuli na agad ang pumatay. Ang mga murderers ay kamag-anak ng mga victims.


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Ako naman ay naghahanap na ng bagong trabaho! Sawa na ako sa aking present job at gusto ko naman ng isang career change!

So far, the experience is good. Hindi pa ako nagpa-pass ng aking resignation letter sa office not unless may sure na akong mapapasukan. Mahirap na. Kelangan ko ng pera. High maintenance ako eh. LOL.

Kasama ko ang isang batchmate ko sa college maghanap ng bagong work. Kung saan saan kami nakakapunta. Hehehe. Eto ang ilan sa mga napuntahan ko.

Mega Publishing - Ang taray! Parang nasa "Devil Wears Prada" lang ako. Ang posh ng office. Parang bitchy nga ang mga employee dun eh. Walang wala kami sa mga shoulder pads nila! But I don't see myself working there. I dunno. (Hindi pa kami nagfa-follow up ng friend ko dun. Nag-iwan lang naman kasi kami ng resume dun just in case naghahanap sila ng tao.)

Summit Media - Mas mataray sa Mega Pub! Naglalakad pa lang kami papasok ng kanilang building, madami nang uber fashionista sa labas! (Ang taray ng leopard print high heels ni Ate!) (Syempre, hindi nawala ang mga paminta na nagpapa-cute. Hehehe) Katulad ng sa Mega Pub, hindi naman namin alam kung naghahanap sila ng tao so nag-iwan lang kami ng resume. May nagyaya nga sa akin na kung gusto ko daw sumali kasi may go see for a speed dating thingy yata ang Cosmo Mag. Naisip ko "Ate, hindi kami talo. Parehas lang kami ng hanap." Hehehe.

Solar TV - My friend heard na naghahanap sila ng bagong "talents" kasi magbi-build up ang Solar TV. They will start from scratch daw. Ang ending, tinawagan ako para mag-apply as a news reporter! Hindi ko naman masyado trip yun kaya hindi ko masyado pinagpursigihan ang paghahanda para sa interview. Feeling ko mas bagay yun sa friend ko eh. So pinapunta na nga ako sa office nila. Tae! Ang hirap ng exam! Halos kalyohin ang kamay ko sa kakasulat ng mga articles about things that I barely know! Current events! Politics! Bills and amendments! Pinadugo talaga ang mga utak namin! I know na wala akong panama compared sa ibang applicants na talagang sinisiryoso ang exam MALIBAN lang sa aking kagwapuhan! Hahahahah!

Time for the interview na! First interview with HR people! Babae. Feeling ko wala pang love life. Single pa yata. Ang action plan? Magpa-cute at bolahin si Ate!

"Oh, I see that you know a lot of languages."

"Yes. I've been studying those since I was in highschool. You see, I have a passion for languages." (Charot!)

"So how do you say "you're so pretty" in French?" (Tila nang-aakit si ate!)

"Vous etes belle." (Said with a flirty tone. Sabay ngiti at tingin ng deretso sa mata ni ateh!)

"Hihihihihi! Ang sarap naman pakinggan!" (kulang na lang yata mapa-ihi sa kilig eh!)

After the interview, napansin ko na yung iba, ang bilis ng interview tapos pwede na agad umalis! Pina-stay ako. Interview daw with the department head. Tawa lang ako ng tawa! Nakapasa ako sa first interview! Hahaha! After a few minutes, pinatawag na ako ng department head. Hindi lang pala sya department head. Sya ang mamahala ng Solar TV channel 9. In charge sya sa kung ano ang kakalabasan ng station! Napalunok ako sa kaba!

Babae ulit. Hard to please yata. Mabait naman pero hindi showy. Masyado professional. Action plan? Landiin ang department head! Katulad ng ginawa ko sa una, nakipag-kwentuhan muna ako sa kanya. I made the atmosphere light for the both of us. I guess that would be one of the talents that I have. I made myself comfortable and so did she. It was like a normal conversation. Nagtatawanan pa nga kami eh. Of course there are parts na "business side" ang pinag-uusapan pero nasagot ko naman sya ng maayos.

"So I see here on your exam paper that you don't know any of these politicians. And I see that you're not really aware about current events. What will make us choose you over the others? What do you have that other applicants don't have?"

Napalunok ako. Dry yung throat ko. "Patay" sabi ko sa sarili ko.

"I would say that I'm harworking and a fast learner. Even if I don't know who these people are, I am confident that I can study and be more familiar with them. I know that I need to pay more attention on what's happening locally but you see, my course tended to drive me to foreign news. If you're gonna ask me about what's happening in the international arena and about foreign politicians, I can definitely answer those. I know I can do this."

Napataas ang kilay ni ateh. Napangiti! Aba! Balik kami sa good atmosphere. Hindi nya alam na ginagamitan ko lang sya ng charm! Hahahah!

"Sige. I will consider you. You'll be receiving a call from us. The final interview will be a panel interview. There will be heads from different departments who will quiz you so you better be prepared and be sure to know what's happening locally. You have the "it factor" pa naman iho. All you need is the substance needed in this field. You know how to present yourself pa naman and you look good on TV. Kaya mag-aral ka ha. Prepare ka."

Nagniningning ang aking mga mata! Hahahaha! Mantakin mo yun! Nakalusot pa din?!?!? At first name basis pa kami!

Ang panel interview daw ay sa first week ng March. Hindi pa ako nag-aaral. Hindi ko na nga yata sisiputin yun eh. Kapag naghahanap na lang sila ng pang-music channel or yung TV host, dun na lang ako sisipot! Hehehe.

Standard Chartered - Disaster ang interview ko dito. Hindi nadala ng charm ko ang nag-interview sa akin. Babae. Matanda. Matandang dalaga pa nga yata eh. Nanlilisig ang mata. Parang color yellow pa nga yata ang mata eh. Nakakatakot. Puro business ang pinag-usapan. Lahat straightforward. Walang pakundangan. Feeling ko after ng interview ko, parang ni-rape ako. Hindi na ako nag-e-expect na tawagan nila ako. Hahahaha!

This week naman ay pupunta ako sa TV 5. Naghahanap sila ng talents and hosts para sa mga shows nila. Ewan ko. Kapag sinipag na lang ako. Hehehe.

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Gusto ko manood ng SHOWTIME! Gusto ko din sumigaw ng "sample! sample!" nang hindi nagmumukhang tanga sa sofa namin at TV sa sala! Kelan kaya ito matutupad? Sigh....

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Ang gwapo ng boyfriend ko!!! #@$!%

The name of the guy in that video is Luch Lopez Zanirato. Matagal ko na syang crush simula nasa college pa ako. Ang masaya pa ay parehas kami ng course na kinuha! Hahaha! Ang pagkakataon nga naman!

Ang pagkakataon pa talaga! Ang Luch ko (si bebeboy), ay kahawig nitong si Luch Zanirato. Yung facial features, yung body type, skin color, pati na din ang smile! Makalaglag-boxers talaga!

Sayang at hindi ko pwede mailagay ang picture ni Luch-Bebeboy pero ito na lang para magka-idea kayo how he looks like...

*** I got an email from the ULTIMATE CRUSH to remove the video. His wish is my command. Anything for my Luch. Hihihi. And yes kinikilig pa din ako sa email nya. Hahaha. (Ang loser ko hahaha) ***


Sigh...ang swerte ko naman...mahal ako ng isang ganyang ka-gwapong nilalang...hehehehe

Bigla kong naalala yung isang linya sa My Amnesia Girl...

hindi ko alam ang exact words pero parang ganito na din

"Humingi lang po ako sa Inyo ng sandwich, burger ang binigay Nyo! May fries at softdrinks pa!"

Si bebeboy ang tinutukoy ko na burger, fries at drinks. Complete meal talaga! Hahahaha!




I love you bebeboy! :D

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

När Vi Inte är Säkra (When we're really not so sure...)

Mahirap maging isang kabit. Pramis. I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone I know. Mahirap kung ikaw ay isang kabit or kung may kabit ka. Duh.

But I chose this because I love him. And I'm constantly preparing myself to whatever things will happen to us.

Medyo mag-e-emo ako ngayon kasi may nangyari kahapon. Sort of.

It was a great Monday for both Luch and I. Umaga pa lang, ako na ang tumambad sa pintuan nang condo ni Luch. (Maaga umalis si Joe. He had to go to work eh.)

Joe doesn't know that Luch won't be going to work that day. He filed for a vacation leave para buong Monday kami magkasama ni Luch. Hehehe. (I know what some of you guys are thinking.)

We started our Monday with some cuddling and kissing. Hindi pa din nawawala ang sermon nya sa akin about sa "thing" na nangyari. Eventually, nagutom na din kaya kumain ng breakfast. And since we missed each other so much, nag-jerjer sa umaga! Hahaha! After some cleaning ng condo, we went out. He had some things to do first so pumunta muna kami ng bank. Medyo nagulat ako when he said na pupuntahan namin ang sister nya. We'll be taking an MRT ride pa. Syempre hindi ako pumayag kasi maarte ako. Feeling ko kasi hindi ako nakaayos. Nakakahiya naman. 

Napapayag ko si Luch sa kaartehan ko. Hahaha. Hindi pa pala tapos. Pumunta daw kami ng mall. Sabi ko okay lang. Ang weird para sa akin ang lumabas nang hindi masyado naka-ayos. Naka-pambahay lang ako nang mga oras na yun eh, pati na din si Luch.

We walked from our condo to Greenbelt. It feels good to walk with him. Parang wala nang ibang tao sa mundo. Sigh...

We passed by sa isang park when we were walking. Bigla ko naalala si Chuck and napag-usapan na din namin ni Luch si Chuck. If you wanna know who Chuck is, you can just search my blog. (Si Chuck ay isa sa mga "nanligaw" sa akin before pero may boyfriend na sya. At ang boyfriend nya ay ang boss ng boss ng boss ko. Ang gulo.)

We continued to walk towards Greenbelt. Paikot-ikot lang kami sa Greenbelt and Glorietta. We have tons of time to spend together naman eh.

Naka-T-shirt lang at shorts. Naka-tsinelas pa! Saan ka pa! Parang bahay lang namin ang Greenbelt 5! Hahaha! Feeling ko nga ang itim na ng paa ko dahil sa alikabok sa daan. Hehehe.

Lunch was very good kasi madami na naman kaming nakain. Hehehehe. Busog na busog. Bilog na naman ang aking tiyan. Hehehe.

We went to Timezone after we ate. Trip namin ang mag-videoke eh. Muntik na naman ako mahuli ng aking mga officemates dun. Buti na lang hindi yata kami napansin. Whew. Buti na lang may vacant na videoke room.

We sang there the whole afternoon. From fun songs to cheesy ones. And those that made us remember things. SOBRANG KINILIG AKO SA KINANTA SA AKIN NI LUCH!!! I know this might sound cheesy and mushy but I don't care. While he was singing one of our songs, I could feel his love for me. I know that he will always be there for me, kahit na ganito nga ang aming situation. We held hands inside that small videoke booth. I love this guy here. And so we kissed. Wala namang nakatingin eh.

After videoke, we decided to go home na din. We bought some smoothies and walked back to our condo. The evening was going perfectly well, until we realized that Joe is still not replying to Luch's texts.

It goes like this. Luch calls or texts Joe first to know if Joe will be staying at the condo. If Joe says that he won't be going to Makati or to Luch's condo, then I will spend the night there with Luch. Kung nagsabi na doon si Joe, edi wala ako dun! Hahaha!

This is what happened last night. It was already night time but we don't want to go back yet to our condo so we bought some chips and we went straight up to the condo's rooftop. At that point, kinakabahan na kami kasi hindi pa din nagre-reply sa mga calls and texts si Joe. 

Ang lamig sa rooftop. I had to get my stuff nga eh para walang evidence na may kasama si Luch sa condo nya. I wore his jacket. It still smells like him. Eventhough we're still not sure if Joe will come or not, we just tried to enjoy the rest of the evening together. Tawa kami ng tawa sa mga jokes namin sa isat-isa. Sa mga funny experiences namin. Mga kapamilya, kaibigan at sa pag-utot. Hehehehe.

Finally, nag-reply na si Joe. Nasa Shangri-La lang sya. We were like "gasp!". Ang lapit lang pala ni Joe. A lot of things were going through my mind that evening. Things like "paano kaya kung mabuko na kami...." or "ano ang gagawin naming excuses...".

"Luch, paano kung nabuko na tayo ni Joe?"

"Hindi ko alam, Gaspard. But I want you to stay. Hindi ko kayang mawala ka."

"I think Joe feels something. Baka nga mag-suprise visit yun one time eh."

I know that Luch won't leave Joe too.

The rest of the evening was torture for the two of us.

Pinababa na kami ng guard from the rooftop so tumalon kami ng building. Joke lang. Corny. Alam ko. Going back, pinababa na nga kami ng guard kaya bumalik na kami ng unit namin. Kinakabahan kami. Ako nga, hindi din mapakali. We were both tired na din from all the walking but we can't sleep baka bigla na lang kasi magpakita si Joe sa condo at magulat sya kung bakit nandun ako.

Ayaw pa ako paalisin ni Luch kaya he told me to sit na lang sa isang chair and pretend that I just arrived there 5 minutes earlier and I'm waiting for my dad to make me sundo (konyo?) para sabay na kami umuwi. Luch will just pretend that he's doing something in his laptop.

Pagod na talaga kami. I stayed in bed with Luch without noticing that I was falling asleep na din pala.

Natatawa na lang kami sa nangyayari. Niloloko ko nga si Luch eh.

"Paano ko kaya sya mako-convince na kakadating ko lang 5 minutes earlier kung may muta na ako sa mata at magulo ang buhok ko? Hahaha!"

We both decided that I should stay at a different place muna until Luch is sure that Joe won't be staying there. I stayed somewhere in Ayala and Luch waited for Joe's reply. Finally, Luch called me. The coast is clear. I went back to his condo. Madaling araw na. I feel so haggard.

When I got there, I quickly changed clothes, naghugas ng mukha at paa, kissed Luch goodnight, bagsak sa kama, tulog!

Ang hirap maging kabit. Oo. Pero mas mahirap kapag hindi mo kasama ang mahal mo.

We all can be sometimes stupid when it comes to love. It's just the degrees that vary.

If he's doing risky things just to be with me, then I'll do the same. I love you Luch.




Sobrang mahal kita, bebeboy.

Fallskärm




LSS...hahahaha...

I dont need a parachute...baby if I got you!

Love you!