I spent the weekend at Luch's house in Bulacan. Actually, halos buong linggo kami magkasama ni Luch pero buti na lang hindi kami nagsasawa sa company ng bawat isa. Subukan nya lang magsawa...nyahahaha!
I mentioned sa previous post ko na I have been looking for a new job na diba. Since this year started, I have been getting more serious with a lot of things. On my health, career, family, relationship with Luch at madami pang-iba.
I asked a good friend nga eh. He told me that I shouldn't force myself to be "mature". It should come out naturally daw.
I have been really thankful that I met someone like Luch. He's always been keeping track of the things that I've been doing.
I know that I'm not that good when it comes to being an adult. Maybe I'm still a kid at heart. I dunno.
I want to be honest. I am jealous of Luch and his other boyfriend, Joe. Parang they can manage their lives very well na. They are in tune with their chosen career paths. They can stand up on their own, financially. They have time for their family and friends too. Things are going the way they planned it to. Ako, nagsisimula pa lang. I feel out of place kapag nag-uusap sila.
Joe and Luch have lots of things in common din naman. When they talk about certain things, I tend to just shut up, smile and look pretty. Hindi ako maka-relate.
I know I have the resources now. I just don't know how to maximize them. I know that I'm still not taking things seriously. But I'm trying very hard to push myself now.
I'm still 21 years old pero lately, nare-realize ko na parang ang bilis na ng mga araw. Kung hindi pa ako ngayon kikilos kelan pa kaya?
Nakikita ko yung ibang models na kasabayan ko dati pumunta sa mga go-see and VTRs. Palagi ko na sila nakikita sa mga commercials. Some of them even have shows na. Kung sineryoso ko kaya ang pagmo-modelo, may patutunguhan kaya ako?
Marami pa ding hindi sigurado sa future ko. Siguro, ito yata yung age na kelangan mo nang maging seryoso sa buhay. Nasa last stage ka na ng pagiging bata at nasa first step na ng ladder patungong adulthood.
Sinasabi ko kay Luch na hindi ko maiwasang ikompara ko ang sarili ko kay Joe. Sabi nya naman sa akin na magka-iba kami. At mas matanda silang dalawa sa akin. Iniisip ko "kahit na".
So now, I will try to be more mature. Act more like an adult. I'll try to manage my time more efficiently. Study harder. I will pay for my own bills na (I know, nagwo-work ako pero my parents still pay for my bills if there were any). Sana talaga matuloy na ang pagse-seryosong ito. Ang dami kong hahabulin.