I guess for those who has been reading my blog, alam nyo na siguro ang situation ko when it comes sa aking love life.
There are times na nahihirapan na din ako. Kasi hindi mapanatag ang aking isipan. At the back of my mind, there will always be the thought na "he" might be doing something behind my back or something without my knowledge.
This is how it started.
It was a Monday and Luch was supposed to be at his office na. He wasn't replying sa mga texts ko so I decided to call him. Kakagising pa lang ng mokong. At tanghali na!
Bakit naman kaya nagpa-late itong si Luch? Why didn't he inform me at all?
So I gave him some time to sleep kasi sabi nya inaantok pa daw kasi sya. After one hour, I called him again.
"Sige na. Babangon na ako. I love you." sabi nya.
I think I heared someone or something sa background.
Dito na naman nag-start ang paranoia ko. Hindi ko maiwasan na hindi mag-isip sa tuwing alam kong sya lang mag-isa sa condo. Shouldn't I be over this na?
The weird feeling continued hanggang hapon. I decided to go earlier sa condo nya sa Makati.
I know what I did was wrong but I did it anyways eventhough I promised him na I will not do it again.
Kinalikot ko na naman ang kanyang laptop.
I found out na he was still flirting with other guys online.
I was crying, again, because of him. Nakakaasar na din.
I called him. I told him na bilisan nya. I was shouting sa phone. He wanted to know what was happening. Nakaramdam sya. He was texting me "I love you". Kasama nya pa si Peron, ang kanyang bestfriend.
They arrived, he and Peron. Ang tagal lumabas ni Peron. I almost shouted at him. Gusto ko na makipag-usap kay Luch.
First I apologized for messing with him laptop again. Then I started to cry.
"Wala ka bang gustong sabihin sa akin, Luch?"
Ang tagal nya bago sagutin ang tanong ko. Paulit-ulit ang tanong ko sa kanya na kung may gusto ba syang sabihin sa akin kaya ako na ang nag-umpisa.
"I thought you've changed when you told me that you're not gonna flirt with other guys online."
He was not talking.
"Alam mo ba, nahihirapan na ako. Feeling ko hindi ko na kaya. Kasi sa isip ko, kung kaya mo gawin kay Joe ito, sa akin pa kaya. I'm about to lose it. I haven't forgotten what happened last January. Siguro alam mo naman kung bakit I can't fully trust you. You said na you will change. You should have by now. Why do you still keep on doing this? Hindi pa ba KAMI enough?
I have been looking at those guys you're flirting with. I know I'm nothing compared to those guys. (Pero mas gwapo naman ako dun! Mga HIPON! Kahit anong work out at punta nila sa gym, hindi magbabago ang mga pagmumukha nila! Bwahaha!) If I can't fully trust you, then ano na ang mangyayari sa atin?"
"Umiiyak ka na naman dahil sa akin..."
Pinunasan nya ang mga luha ko. Ayaw nyang tumitingin ako sa kanya when I'm crying. He never wants to see my crying.
"Bakit mo na naman ba ito ginawa?"
"Hindi ko din alam."
"That's stupid. Tapos sabi mo sa akin hindi ka pokpok."
"I deleted that account sa Planet Romeo. Kasi alam ko magagalit ka."
"Hindi pa ba kami enough?"
"You're more than enough."
"Okay. Sige. I will delete my other Facebook account." (He was pertaining to his 2nd Facebook account. The account he uses to flirt with other guys and exchange numbers. The account where I first met him.)
"What makes it different this time? Remember what you told me before? Before pa ako dumating sa buhay mo, nandyan na yang account na yan! You even justified that!"
"Aayusin ko na ang sarili ko. Alam mo ba, sayo lang ang naging mabait, kahit kay Joe. Ayokong mawala ka. Ikaw na ang gamot ko kasi alam kong binabantayan mo lagi ako eh. Gusto mo ba, maglagay ka ng camera dito sa condo para mapanatag ka lang at para laging naka-smile lang ako sayo?"
That night ended with me still thinking hard whether I should leave him or not.
The following morning, I still wanted to make it work. So I stayed.
I posted on my Facebook wall na this will be the last time. And if ever it will happen again, then I'm out.
Gusto ko ipagdikdikan sa ulo nya yun. Nang magtanda na talaga sya.
He was offended that I had to post it on my Facebook wall. At sumabay pa daw si Joe sa init ng kanyang ulo. Nag-away pala sila that day.
The whole day, he barely texted me.
He told me to not go sa condo that night since Joe might be there with him. It didn't even bother me. Knowing Joe, if he said na he will go to Makati on a weekday, most of the time, hindi sya natutuloy.
It was raining so hard that evening but it didn't bother me. I wanted to talk with Luch.
"Hindi ka talaga matahimik sa bahay nyo. Bakit ka pa pumunta dito? Diba sabi ko naman sayo na baka pumunta dito si Joe?
I was speechless.
"I was calling Joe. Sa landline, sa cellphone. He's not picking it up. Paano kung on the way na pala siya?"
I was about to leave.
"Sa tingin mo ba gusto kita pauwiin nyan? Malakas ang ulan tapos gabi na! Bakit ka pa kasi pumunta? Hindi mo na ako binigyan ng peace of mind."
And so we went down together.
The evening ended with SEx. (WAG MADUMI ANG UTAK. Sinangag Express po yun. Hehehe.)
And so we went there. And since libre nya, I ordered a lot. Hehe. Gantihan na ito!
While waiting for our food, we talked again. We were going around in circles.
We reached a decision. He will stop flirting with other guys, giving his number out and he will delete his 2nd Facebook account while I will be less paranoid and less suspicious, though I can still sneak up on him. Hehe.
If ever this will happen again, we're through with one another. Obviously, we can't continue like this forever. Being in a relationship means constant adjustments and changes. The length of a relationship, I think, is never affected by destiny. If two people decided to make it work and not to give up on one another, then the relationship will last longer. Not because they're meant to last.
We know that we love each other so much, we're scared to lose each other. We've learned on that night that we can always change one another for the better. And we will always be looking forward for another day. Another day to be spent with one another.
"Happy 7th monthsary Bebeboink. Mahal na mahal kita."
"Love you more, Bebeboy. Happy 7th!"
And then we kissed.
And we called it a day. The whole night, we're hugging each other. Facing each other. Not wanting to let go. Not wanting to let one another out of one's sight. And we faced the new day, na ang unang nakita ang isat-isa.
And as for the 2nd Facebook account....
Goodbye 2nd Facebook account! HAHAHAHA!